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Courtesy of TAZscripts.


Griffin: A clear and starry sky shines over the salt scattered parking lot outside of the Little Dipper, Kepler’s requisite dive bar and late night grill. This establishment once catered to the scientists of the Green Bank Telescope, who sought leisure after a long shift of watching the heavens. Today, it plays home to a far seedier clientele, a group that favors its own name for the bar: the Hornet’s Nest.



A trio bearing the Hornet insignia stands watch over the entrance to the bar. Harshly critiquing one anothers’ motorbikes while catching a smoke in the chill February air. One Hornet, the largest among them, tells a joke too foul and convoluted to repeat. His smaller subordinate bellows out a hearty laugh. The third, though, is distracted by a figure approaching them from across the parking lot. This Hornet boss, known as Hollis, is transfixed as the figure enters the bar, their footsteps crunching through the half-melted slurry that forms a moat around the front door. 



It is 1:17 a.m., their associates’ uproarious laughter fades into the background. A silence floods Hollis’s mind. Their face goes hot and numb. Their heartbeat loud and erratic. They’re not startled by the screams coming from within the bar. In some way, they expected them. A bloody body smashes through the window beside them, toppling over the parked bikes outside. Hollis charges against the tide of fleeing patrons, their lieutenant, Keith, lay unconscious and trampled on the floor. Above him, the figure stands victoriously on a shuffleboard table. Viscera pours through its gnashed, smiling teeth. In its hand, its claw maybe, the figure holds a Hornet, too mangled to recognize. Hollis reaches above the bar and grabs a baseball bat. 



It is 1:20 a.m., Hollis’s bike weaves through the trees of the Monongahela Forest in pursuit of the figure. Even on foot, this being outpaces them. The bike skids to a halt as Hollis reaches a clearing in the woods, a large circular gap among the blanket of pines. They scan the perimeter, [theme music fading in] they catch their breath, they turn on a dime and depart in the other direction. Fast away from an invisible doorway to a far flung world. 



[The Adventure Zone: Amnesty Theme by Griffin McElroy plays]



Griffin: Hello everybody, welcome back to the Adventure Zone: Amnesty, your number one source for news about… Amnesty. The whole idea of it. People are forgivin’ a lot of people, all over the world these days. 



Travis: Are they?



Griffin: Not especially super very much.



Justin: [Crosstalk] Are they? Doesn’t seem to be the case.



Travis: Griffin, I have a big, important announcement. 



Griffin: Okay.



Travis: I’ve been thinking about it for almost two weeks now. And I’ve picked a name for the flying dagger that I got in the last episode. 



Griffin: Oh yeah, the trades, Trav, have been sort of buzzin’ about your dagger. 



Travis: I know, I know. Listen, and I’m ready. Big reveal. I’ve nicknamed it Snitch.



Griffin: Okay.



Clint: [Deep] Snitch. 



Justin: I don’t—



Travis: ‘Cause it zooms around like a golden Snitch. I should say, that’s not a name Travis would pick for it. That’s the name Aubrey would pick for it. 



Justin: Gotcha. 



Griffin: I expect more from her than I do from Travis. 



Travis: It’s not spelled like that. It’s spelled differently. 



Justin: Four N’s. 



Travis: Yeah. 



[Griffin laughs]



Clint: [Drawn out] Sn~n~n~n~itch. 



Travis: Snyatch!



Justin: There’s an Y and an A in there. 



Clint: I have an announcement as well. I think in the interest of us working together and just having a good family relationship and a show. We put the whole “creps”/“crepes” controversy behind us. 



Justin: Thank god, yes.



Griffin: [Crosstalk] Yeah, the trades have been buzzin’ about this one, too. 



Clint: I was extremely right and you guys were harsh and mean.



[Justin sighs]



Griffin: Oh, I see.



Clint: And I think we need to put that all behind us, and not even mention it again. 



Griffin: See, I saw one trade and the headline was “Clint McElroy: Old brain?” And I thought that that was mean. I think— So we know what Aubrey has kind of been doing since the Lunar Interlude. I don’t want us to, like, do a whole lot of individual scenes. ‘Cause that’s basically what the Lunar Interlude is for. But like, I think there’s some things that we need to firm up before we go into the next hunt. For instance, I wanna know what Billy’s living situation has been. I know he was sort of rooming at the Cryptonomica. I didn’t know if that was a permanent solution, I don’t know if Duck or Ned gets custody of Billy, [Justin: Not it.] your goatfriend. Okay. 



Justin: Not it. 



Clint: I think he’s made a home. I think… he kind of fits in, I mean in his Ryan Gosling face. Because, you know, Neil Armstrong, did we go to the moon? No, not really. The whole astronaut outer space kind of thing. 



Griffin: What the—? What does that— What are you talking—? What—



Travis: [Crosstalk] Wait, hold on. Is this dad talking or like conspiracy theorist Ned Chicane talking?



Griffin: What is going on?



Travis: Because I hope this isn’t the big reveal that our dad, Clint McElroy, who we’ve known for many years, doesn’t believe in the—



Griffin: [Crosstalk] Is a fucking flat earther. 



Clint: I actually am the only one of us who watched it on television, and it was very bad special effects. I mean, it did not look real.



Griffin: [Scoffs] My god. 



Travis: Oh my god, I don’t know about all this, Dad. 



Griffin: Okay, so—



Travis: We’re gonna get some letters.



Griffin: Dad’s a flat earther. What the fuck is Billy up to, though? The OG question. 



[Travis laughs]



Clint: I think he’s just wandering around the Cryptonomica, and every so often somebody’ll come in and he’ll offer them pizza. 



Justin: Okay, I have a question for you. Does he eat trash? 



Travis: I mean, pizza is not good for you, Justin. Is that what you mean? 



Justin: You know that’s not what it was.



Clint: [Crosstalk] Are we leaning into the cliche or are we—



Justin: Cliche of a goatman that looks like Ryan Gosling and eats trash? 



Clint: I guess that’s not very cliche at all, is it? [Laughing]



Justin: No, this is a vibrant, rich world.



Griffin: He eats food adjacent trash. I don’t think he’s eaten any RC cola cans. But banana peel? Yeah, I’ll fuck with that. Some shoe laces? That’s basically cloth spaghetti. 



Clint: Has he learned any more language, do you think?



Griffin: Absolutely not. I feel like I can put my foot down on that one. 



Travis: It’s not about learn— I magically gave him the ability to say like six words. 



Griffin: But only kind of good, yes. Aubrey, what is life at Amnesty Lodge been like? Any updates? I feel like in the last arc especially we didn’t spend a whole lot of time there. We spent a lot of time in the basement, sorta talking to spooky Thacker, but not—



Travis: I would say it’s the kind of thing where like everybody is, both because it’s the post-holidays, you know, still very gray and cold, but there’s not like a big celebration-y thing to look forward to. 



Griffin: Yeah.



Travis: Plus like how much shit has been going on, and just also kind of a vibe. I think everybody’s on edge. Everybody’s a little tense. But if you ask them “What’s wrong?” they couldn’t exactly put their finger on it. There’s just kind of a negative hum in the air. You know?



Griffin: Yeah.



Travis: I would say, everybody’s just on edge.



Griffin: I think a lot of that probably comes from Mama and Barclay, who— the more you all spend time with them, the more you sort of pick up on the fact that the way that the abominations are sort of changing and giving the sort of mo— the last one could change time. The more things they learn and the more direct their influence on you is, rather than just being like some mindless monster wandering the woods, like— the more they are hunting you, the more concerned they are getting, because it’s breaking this decades-long pattern. 



Travis: W— and not only that, I also think between— ‘cause Aubrey, I think, has since told Mama about touching the crystal, we kind of hit— did kind of hinted at that at the end of the last arc. [Griffin: Yeah.] And then I also think on top of that, Duck bringing Billy in, and like them having— do they know that we talked with the Mothman? Did we cover that, effectively? 



Griffin: I think so. I think you did drop that bomb. 



Travis: So I just think that, like, also instead of things becoming more cohesive, it’s starting to feel a little more chaotic. [Griffin: Okay.] You know what I mean? Like, in— I would imagine that in the past, when they’ve recruited new members, it has made things easier? Like, smoother [Griffin: Right.] as they’ve brought in more help and we have not necessarily done that. 



Griffin: I like that a lot. Ned, have you done any scouting? You— I know that you, Clint McElroy, have been doing some soul-searching about your position on this sort of ethical dilemma you find yours— it’s not much of a dilemma. Your former con-man, you know, burglar partner, your co-burglar, has asked you to do a burgle. That’s not so much of a dilemma as a bad time opportunity. 



Clint: Yeah, it’s a— it’s obvious that the person he wants Ned to burgle is Mama. 



Griffin: Right, right. 



Clint: And I don’t think Ned is comfortable with that. I think he’s really been giving it a lot of thought… maybe was casing the joint just a little, just—



Griffin: Sure. Old habits, and whatnot. 



Clint: Old habits, yeah. Using the Crêpes by Monica food truck, you know, kind of spying, seeing the possible, you know, entry points, and—



Griffin: [Laughing] What you have to understand— that would be like— that would be like, in Home Alone, when they first are driving around the neighborhood, scouting out all of the houses, if they were driving around in a van that said “The Wet Bandits: House— Christmastime House Robbers of Vacant Homes.” 



Clint: Well yeah, but— see here’s the thing, Crêpes by Monica— that was a thing that was in town for a while, and so—



Justin: Alright, you need to decide right now, Mac. You said in the last episode you were going to repaint it to say Cryptonomica. So you need to decide if that fucker says Crêpes by Monica or Cryptonomica, and it can’t be like a velcro thing [Griffin: Yeah.] that you tear on and tear off. 



Griffin: [Crosstalk] There will be narrative—



Justin: [Crosstalk] What does it say?



Griffin: [Crosstalk] There will be narrative and mechanical repercussions for your decision. 



Justin: Also, speaking of casing joints, the one negative tag you picked for this vehicle was “obvious.” You’ve literally picked the one activity you cannot do in this vehicle! 



[Clint laughing]



Griffin: You would be better to just crash it through the wall and pretend it was an accident. 



Justin?: “Hey, got any valuables?”



Clint: Okay. Alright, alright. Since— Rodney? R— uh—



Griffin: Uh oh. 



Clint: The— the cat that does— his assistant! Um—



Travis: Randy!



Griffin: Oh, Kirby. 



Clint: Kirby! Yeah. Good God. Since Kirby is—



Griffin: Yeah, you didn’t see much of him last arc, either. 



Clint: Kirby is artistic, so I say he had Kirby [slightly reluctantly] change Crêpes by Monica into Cryptonomica. 



Griffin: Okay, the pact is sealed. 



Travis: And that was the last time they said the C-word. 



Griffin: And we can move on forever. Duck—



Travis: C-word being “crêpes”. 



Griffin: Right. I mean, we shouldn’t say any iteration of the C-word, I think, on the podcast. And Duck, what’s—



Justin: No more C-words! 



Griffin: Is— what’s been going on with you and Leo? Obviously your powers have diminished, and there’s some concern there. But like— you two are the, you know, only surviving members of this ancient order of chosen champions, and what’s— I imagine that’s changed the dynamic a bit? 



Justin: Yeah, it was a little bit hard, I feel like, in the beginning. I have to imagine that it was a bit like having the flu. Like, comparatively, you know, to how Duck has always sort of felt. So I think that that was hard to sort of get past. I think he has found his equilibrium again, and he has… I feel like he would have been training some still, with Leo, but I definitely feel like his heart is not really in it. There is a sort of frustration, I think, because he finally decided to like actually do something with these abilities, and he lost them, and all the work that he’s putting in, all he could think is like, “God this would be easier if I still had those powers.” 



Griffin: Yeah. 



Justin: So it’s like, it is not with a joyful heart, but he just basically has no idea what else to do. 



Griffin: Mmkay. I want to pick things up in Amnesty Lodge and get the hunt going without much more delay, but before then— the previous night, last night, before sort of this hunt kicks off, you did have a dream, Duck. Obviously your powers have sort of left you, but you have a dream that feels very sort of familiar. So why don’t you go ahead and roll weird, and go on a Vision Quest. 



Justin: Alright. Let me recheck my—



Griffin: [Crosstalk] Yeah, what is your plus weird now? Now that you’re a normie.



Justin: [Laughing] It’s negative one. 



Griffin: Yeah. Well, that’s par for the course, I feel like. 



Justin: Yeah. 



Griffin: Alright, let’s see if you can get a good, good— oh my GOD, you will never have a good vision! 



Justin: Now this is a— I rolled a 5, and you subtract one from that, that’s going to give you a four right there, just right off the top. 



Griffin: That’s going to be one of those fours. [Crosstalk] Have you— seriously, have you—



Justin: [Crosstalk] That one’s a four. 



Griffin: The— you had the one vision of you drowning. You had the one vision of a meteor. I don’t—



Travis: Wait, so, Griffin, are you saying if he had rolled, like, a 12, he would have a vision of like sitting in an inner tube on the lazy river? 



Griffin: If he had— if you roll— first of all, when you make a hard move, I get to do something bad. So it’s not just like him seeing a vision of the future, it’s me changing— it’s me making something bad happen in the future and him seeing it. And also, if he rolls really good, he can get super helpful information. He can know where to go in a pinch. 



Travis: Like get in an inner tube on the lazy river. 



Griffin: [Crosstalk] Yeah. 



Justin: [Crosstalk] It just doesn’t happen. My dice just doesn’t— do not work that way. These visions are bad. The nice thing is, I will be able to write this one off as a nightmare until it’s too late, obviously, but it’s not going to like ruin my day. Because I don’t think I—



Travis: Oh, good!



Justin: I don’t think I have powers anymore. So I’m like, well, that was nothing. Boy, all my teeth fell out, but that was just a dream, so whatevs. 



[Music fades in]



Griffin: You are hunched over Leo’s body. You’re outside. You are on concrete, in front of a big metal door going into some sort of complex that you can’t quite discern, because you’re just— you’re seeing it so close up. You are hunched over Leo, who is not breathing. And I think the vision, is not clear enough for you to see exactly why that is. And then your vision kind of pans out a little bit and zooms out, and you can see what you are sort of sitting in front of. You are sitting in front of the Green Bank Telescope. You are dwarfed in scale by this gigantic telescope, I don’t know if you’ve ever been there— probably like on a field trip or something when you were younger, Kepler is very close to Green Bank which we established in the set up episode. And the telescope— the radio telescope is pointed straight up, and as you are like, you know, trying to rouse Leo back to life, a beam of light shoots out of the tip of the antenna that makes up the radio telescope, and it shoots up into the sky, and as it does so, you wake up. 



[Music swells, and fades out]



Griffin: Alright, so it’s— let’s get going. You all are at Amnesty Lodge, and I think the thing that brought you there is this, you know, massacre happened at the Little Dipper last night, and if you’re looking for things that happen every two months that seem like, “hey a monster is here!” Like, Ned, for sure the Cryptonomica wagon, your scanner technology that you have built into it— by which I mean I guess just a police scanner? I don't need to make it sound like some sci-fi shit— definitely picked up on this. So maybe it was you who rallied the troops. But you all are together at Amnesty Lodge to start doing— I feel like maybe it’s familiar for you all now, like maybe it’s old hat. Every two months it’s like, “Okay, let’s get together, let’s get the ball rolling.”



Travis: How is— who was the goober who saw me and Mothman?



Griffin: Keith. 



Travis: Is Keith ok? Did Keith get killed? Keith has seen some shit, you guys. 



Griffin: We did not see Keith get killed in the intro scene. 



Travis: Oh, so this is like one of those, is he dead? Is he not dead? [Deeply] Well we didn’t see it happen on camera….



Griffin: No, he’s not dead. 



Travis: Oh, okay. 



Justin: I just remembered, you never saw me die!



[Laughter]



Travis: [Crosstalk] You never saw—!



Griffin: [Crosstalk] We can’t—



Justin: [Crosstalk] We never saw Keith die!



Griffin: We can’t, we can’t, we can’t, we can’t. We absolutely can’t. Fuckin’ complete [weird beard?]. So Barclay—



Justin: [Laughing] We never saw Griffin—



Griffin: It’s a nice casual scene at Amnesty Lodge, despite the discomfort sort of floating in the air. Barclay has made pancakes for everyone that folks are enjoying. Agent Stern has been gone all day, he’s been sort of back on the beat, patrolling the woods for any sign of Bigfoot now that most of the snow has cleared. He’s trying to find Bigfoot, who is in the other room making pancakes—



Travis: How is he still getting funding for this mission? 



Griffin: Yeah, you assume that maybe that it’s a self— maybe he’s got some crowdfunding going on, for his investigation of Bigfoot. He has been out here for, what, like six months or so now? I forget how long we’ve been going. I think you started in the summertime, so maybe it’s been closer to eight months or so. It’s February now, by the way—



Justin: Has he maybe been filming the entire thing? He’s got a Patreon going? 



Griffin: That’s what it is. He’s making an indie flick. And you all are sort of going over what you have heard about what happened at the Hornet’s Nest. I think Mama looks kind of concerned, anytime somebody just from the jump gets killed by one of these things, there’s obviously— that’s obviously very bad, and they— a dereliction of duty, to some extent. There is— as you all are sort of getting ready to head out the door and start your business, there is a knock at the door, and Mama opens it, and there is Deputy Dewey. And actually, just behind him in the parking lot, you see Sheriff Owens standing outside of the squad car. He’s talking on a radio, and you all head over to the door as Deputy Dewey addresses you all, and he says, 



Deputy Dewey: Oh, sorry, I probably should have just come in, I know this is a hotel, I just didn’t want to be rude. How y’all doing? 



Aubrey: Are you ok, Dewey? 



Deputy Dewey: What d’you mean? 



Ned: So let’s talk about the 718 last night at the Little Dipper bar. My long range scanners—



Duck: Whoa!



Ned: Indicate—



Aubrey: Whoa, Ned! 



Deputy Dewey: Your what? 



Ned: My—



Deputy Dewey: [mumbling] I know you g— you got a long range— you got a scanner? 



Aubrey: No— what did you say? No, you mentioned the long range scanner— what’s up, Dewey? 



Deputy Dewey: You got a license for a long range scanner? I don’t know if you need one—



Ned: Yes. 



Deputy Dewey: Okay. 



Ned: I got it on the internet. There was a 246-2, I understand. Just wanted to find out how you were dealing with these things. 



Deputy Dewey: I always get my codes confused, I just call ‘em all 911s. But, um—



Duck: Well they are usually, I mean—



Deputy Dewey: Yeah, I just— I do have a couple questions about what happened down at the Dipper. Y’all— obviously I guess y’all heard about it, Hornets got attacked, someone came in the bar, just made a mess of things. We got two in the morgue, and a few more down at St. Francis, just hanging on— I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. Anyway, Hornets— they says they followed whoever did this up into your neck of the woods. Your— like, your actual neck of the woods? The woods here. And I was just wondering if any of y’all saw something last night. 



Aubrey: Uh— no? I know that sounded suspicious, the way I said it, but the answer is [with confidence] no. 



Deputy Dewey: Um, well, I guess— what were y’all doing last night? Who was actually— who was here? Are y’all actually residents, or—



Aubrey: I help out around the place. I’m, uh, you know, I’m the super. Well, hotels don’t have supers, do they? 



Deputy Dewey: No, not— not especially. 



Aubrey: I’m assistant manager? 



Griffin: Is that a role that Aubrey has more or less filled since living here? I don’t know how you’re planning your [indistinguishable crosstalk 21:30]



Travis: I don’t know, maybe. I’m just trying to think of a way— instead of saying “I live in a hotel like the Suite Life of Zack and Cody” [indistinguishable] want to say—



[Griffin and Clint laughing]



Deputy Dewey: What about— Duck, Ned? Y’all got alibis? 



Ned: We had a tech rehearsal last night for Saturday Night Dead. 



Deputy Dewey: I love that one!



Ned: We’re showing Terror of Mecha-Godzilla this weekend, so we’ve got some elaborate, you know, Mecha-Godzilla puppets and stuff, so we were running through those, my staff and I. 



Travis: Now I don’t know what this says about how successful Dad’s performance is, but is that true? 



Clint: What, the Terror of Mecha-Godzilla? 



Travis: No, like, are you guys doing that? Do you have puppets? Were you doing a tech rehearsal? 



Clint: Yes! Oh, yeah! 



Travis: Okay! I just— I don’t know, we just started the episode, Papa! 



Griffin: Listen, Ned’s got a lot of complicated shit sort of floating around in his life, but he still makes time to put on his late night horror puppet show. 



Travis: I’m just saying maybe these are the seeds that we plant where the puppets of Mecha-Godzilla might come in handy later.



Griffin: Right, yeah. 



Duck: [Tense] Me— Me— Me too.



Deputy Dewey: You too what? You were—



Duck: Yup.



Deputy Dewey: Alright…



Duck: Me too. I was— Yup, I— Yup, me too, for both. Yup, me too. Mmm… 



Aubrey: Duck, are you okay? You look like you need to use the bathroom.



Duck: Nope. Yeah, I do. Yup. Uh, [groans] Burritos, alright… Bye.



[Everyone laughs]



Griffin: Did Duck—

Travis: That’s what Aubrey’s gonna do from now on, whenever she can tell Duck has to lie, just prompt him to find a bathroom and hide in it.



Griffin: Yeah… It sounds like Duck’s powers actually afforded him some ability— some deception ability. Now that that’s gone, he’s at negative ten.



Justin: That’s my weird! That’s the ability to lie and that’s at negative one.



Griffin: Yeah, okay. So he says,



Deputy Dewey: Alright i mean, y’all aren’t suspects I don’t know why I’m trying to come up with alibis. Guess I'm not— I’m still gettin’ my head around this



Duck: Who uh, who beefed it?



Deputy Dewey: I shouldn’t say that. Couple of Hornets.



Travis: [Laughs] I shouldn’t say, but…



Deputy Dewey: I mean— It’s honestly, I don’t wanna be yucky, it’s kinda hard to identify them but we’ll y’know look it up in the funny papers as they would say.



Duck: I went to high school with a couple of those guys, I’m just curious.



Deputy Dewey: Did you know one that was like kinda lanky and… that’s all about all I can— brown hair maybe.



Justin: Exploded.



[Laughter]



Travis: Smushy face.



Justin: Did you go to high school with a guy who’s thorax was just smushed?



Travis: His thorax was all smushed in.



Justin: Aw Smushy Jones, yes. [Crosstalk] Love that dude, so funny!



Clint: [Crosstalk] Lanky McGee!



Travis: Love that guy.



Griffin: At this point, Sheriff Owens has like come up to join Dewey on the porch and Dewey says,



Deputy Dewey: Well you mind if I just poke our heads around? Maybe take a look around— I mean, we don’t have much to go on except for we have spotted— we have placed the attacker somewhere up here late last night.



Duck: Dewey, you and I both know the law and you know that you can’t go poking around here with our blessing. We’re not owners of this property.



Deputy Dewey: Um yeah, I don’t actually know. Hold on. Hey, Sheriff Owens, are you allowed to just go in and poke around if it’s like a business?



Griffin: And Sheriff Owens, who has my brain inside of him, shrugs because he doesn’t know.



[Laughter]



Travis: Yeah, uhm—



Justin: You can’t just go searching on properties of a— like— I don’t think you can. 



Griffin: Mama actually says, 



Mama: Yeah, I’ll tell you what. If you wanna poke around, we’ll go around with you. Just make sure that you get to see everything you need to see. Alright?



Griffin: And she kinda gives the three of you a look. As if to say—



Justin: I feel like Mama is able to get— I was deferring because I feel like Mama is able to give a tour [Griffin: Yes.] at this point, that looks completely legitimate. 



Griffin: For sure. 



Justin: And doesn’t like accidentally open the door to a room with pentagrams all over it.



[Laughter]



Griffin: Yes, yes.



Travis: And maybe doesn’t—



Griffin: [Crosstalk] If this gets you off the case then yeah, for sure. Okay.



Justin: Yeah, like Harry of Harry and the Hendersons fame isn’t taking a jacuzzi. 



[Clint laughing]



Griffin: Yeah.



Travis: The wolfman.



Griffin: So Mama and Barclay start walking Sheriff Owens around and Deputy Dewey is kind of just hanging out with you and the guests here in the lobby.



Aubrey: Hey, Dewey, I got a quick question.



Deputy Dewey: I got one, too. Y’all making pancakes? Damn.



Aubrey: Okay… That sounds like a weird kind of flirt, but here’s my question: You said that it came up to our neck of the woods, any idea what we should keep an eye out for? Any description? Anything like that? 



Deputy Dewey: It was a… y’know, a person. Hard to discern much else. It was real dark and they were wearing lots of… I guess concealing garments. Pretty big, from what they said. Probably got a decent amount of blood on ‘em. So I would hope that if you saw a big, blood soaked person in the woods somewhere, you’d know to call us ahead of time anyway. Oh, those hot springs back there look nice. Imma have to come bring the misses up here for a little R&R. 



Aubrey: Gross. Do you want some pancakes? 



Deputy Dewey: Not if you gonna say that the idea of me having a romantic relationship is gross, I don’t… [Justin laughing] I don’t like that. 



Griffin: And he looks at the front door. He’s just kinda poking his head around, and he says, 



Deputy Dewey: Oh, looks like you got a cellar over there, too. We should probably make sure it’s clean. 



Aubrey: [Crosstalk] You gotta stay out. Green mold. 



Deputy Dewey: Gree— Uh. Now wait a minute. 



Aubrey: We— we have a team coming in to clean it up tomorrow. But for now— I mean it’s not as serious as black mold. Puh. 



Deputy Dewey: Yeah.



Aubrey: Thank goodness, but we’ve been talking with the hotel… administration… administration. The HHA… and uh. Yeah, we just gotta stay out of there, Dewey, for our own health. You know what I mean? 



Griffin: Yeah, let’s roll plus charm on that one for a Manipulate Someone. 



Travis: Ookay. 



Justin: [Sing-song] Doo doo doo



Griffin: Deputy is just trying to do his job. If you wanna keep him from doing his job, you gonna have to—



Justin: [Crosstalk] Oh, shit.



Griffin: Oh, no. 



Travis: That was a 6. Hey, Ned, you wanna help? 



Clint: Yes, I will. 



Ned: Dewey, do you know about green mold? 



Deputy Dewey: No, what’s it do to your body?



Ned: Well, let’s just say it focuses on the area below the waist and above the knees. So… as a married man—



Deputy Dewey: [Crosstalk] Wait! Wait a minute! [Laughing] If I walk into your cellar, that has green mold in it, it’s gonna mess up my weiner? 



Aubrey: It’ll target your genitals. Ned’s right.



Ned: It goes right for them. It’s bad news and you know… as a married man, you’ve gotta give that some thought, my friend.



Deputy Dewey: I don’t see why my marital status would have any effect on my sort of, you know, my sexual congress habits. But…



Griffin: Go ahead and roll Help Out, Ned. This is a— We’re starting this hunt off with a bang.



Travis: C’mon, Ned.



Griffin: Let’s get the triple-5, okay. 



Clint: Argh, 8.



Griffin: That’s an 8. Okay. 



Travis: Hmm. 



Griffin: On a 7 or 9 your help grants them +1 to your roll, but you expose yourself to trouble or danger. Which brings Aubrey up to a 7, a mixed success on a Manipulate Someone. They’ll do it, only if you do something right to show them that you mean it. I think the compromise here is, he says,



Deputy Dewey: Alright, just like open the door and I’ll like, just look down in it and just make sure. 



Griffin: And with that, I don’t think he gets the ang— Like he can’t see Thacker or anything like that from the ground level. He says,



Deputy Dewey: You sure, that just looks like a basement.



Aubrey: Don’t breathe! Just don’t breathe, whatever you do. 



Deputy Dewey: Okay.



Griffin: And covers his mouth. 



Deputy Dewey: [Muffled] Is that a PlayStation down there? 



Aubrey: Yeah, but it’s just a PlayStation 2. 



Deputy Dewey: [Muffled] Oh. Y’all got Tomba.



[Justin laughing]



Aubrey: No… 



Justin: What is the point of any of this? 



[Laughter]



Justin: I don’t under— Can please make the show start. What is happening?



Griffin: And then a wolfman jumps in and eats his whole body. 



[Travis laughing]



Griffin: He bows. 



[Laughter



Justin: Why? 



Griffin: He says,



Deputy Dewey: Alright.



Griffin: They sort of regroup on the front porch, and Sheriff Owens says,



Sheriff Owens: Alright, if y’all hear anything, obviously you let us know. This is— We haven’t had a murder like this in Kepler in some time. So I guess, just keep your ear to the ground, y’all always seem to be there whenever this bad stuff happens. You let us know. 



Griffin: And the two officers take off. And Mama says, 



Mama: That was weird, wasn’t it? 



[Ned chuckles]



Aubrey: Yeah, I guess. Do we, I don’t know, do we investigate? 



Mama: Yeah.



Aubrey: [Crosstalk] Yep, that seems like a thing we do, right? 



Mama: Yeah, that’s what we usually do around here. I guess yeah, it’s time for us to start hittin’ the pavement. I guess what we know is a person… but it doesn’t seem like it was a p— I mean, I’m guessing it’s not just coincidentally somebody and did some murders on the day when we’re expecting an abomination to show up. I’m thinking this sounds like abomination M-O. 



Duck: Right.



Mama: Little concerning that it dragged someone back to— back up into the woods up here, ‘cause we don’t know what they’ve seen. 



Aubrey: Well, it seems to me like the smartest bet would be, the three of us go investigate the scene of the crime as it were. And then maybe… Jake Cool-Ice could go see if any of the Hornets will talk to him and give him any details or anything? 



Griffin: Jake Cool-Ice, who has been sort of like sitting— kind of like staring into the middle distance in the lobby, because he used to be one of these— part of this crew, says,



Jake: If you don’t mind, I’d, uh, I’d like to maybe sit this one out. 



Griffin: He looks super upset. He looks bummed out.



Aubrey: Hey, you got it, buddy!



Ned: Jake, how come? Why… These guys were pretty shitty to you, last time if I remember right. Why are you upset? 



Jake: I mean, we would do like picnics together, and fundraisers, and you know, we’d do stunts. We would do these late night stunt shoots, where we’d hang out and have pizza and beer afterwards. And I guess some of them got… uhm… murdered. Last night. So I don’t really want— I’m not really in the mood to [Duck grimly exhales] go out and play detective. 



Duck: You—



Aubrey: [Crosstalk] And maybe, if the spirit moves you, go check on the ones in the hospital? 



Jake: Yeah, that seems doable. 



Duck: You need a little time, I understand. Take a break, enjoy yourself, relax, put your feet up. Us three superpowered beings [Griffin laughs] all of whom have superpowers will risk our-our hides so you can, you know, make peace with the grieving of these guys you don’t like. 



Jake: Thanks. I think you were trying to be sarcastic, but I appreciate it. 



Duck: I can’t— I brought it back around to sincerity. [Clint laughing] I didn’t mean to, but I could hear it happen in my voice, I decided to roll with it.



{Ad break: 32:54 - 37:43}



Griffin: You all are standing in front of the Little Dipper, which is a— I would say a sort of dive bar of somewhat ill repute, down by riverside, some ways down from where the Cryptonomica is. I think it’s close to like the east side of town, the shady side of town. 



Travis: You mean there’s a lot of trees? 



Griffin: Yeah. No, I mean there’s literal shade everywhere. It’s a pretty small place, I imagine like cinder block kinda build, down sort of a path. And it’s a bit removed from the main drag of Kepler. There is… The scene is kind of a mess. There’s crime tape… crime tape? I think it’s called crime tape. 



Justin: [Drawn out, crosstalk] Crime tape. 



Travis: [Crosstalk] Crime tape. 



Justin: Yes, crime tape. 



Travis: Let me check my resource guide here. Yes, crime tape. 



Griffin: It’s cordoning off the building. And there are still a lot of bikes parked in front of the establishment, that are all sort off— they’ve all been toppled over. In fact, you can see some blood on some of them.



Travis: [Crosstalk] Pee-wee Herman was here.



Griffin: He did it. Yeah, there’s no bodies lying around, but you can’t get close enough to get inside the building. What with the crime tape. There are a few squad cars from the sheriff’s department here and there are a couple officers who you don’t recognize and who I’m not gonna give a name to. And yeah, I think that’s… you’re standing in a parking lot and so there’s still trace amounts of snow, that has been melted with salt, around. And you can see lots of footprints sort of going in the direction away from the building. And you also see a pretty good amount of just red snow in a splatter coming out of the building. And… yeah. Standing sort of, close to your position, sort of off the road as you come in, and outside of the perimeter of the crime tape you see two Hornets, two guys. One is a much bigger fella than the other one, both wearing sort of the jackets with the Hornets insignia on the back of it. The littler one of the two of them is sort of nervously smoking as you all approach. And that is the scene. Begin investigation. 



Travis: Griffin, kinda the first thing, I think, if I were Aubrey. That Aubrey would wanna do. Look around, do I see any CCTV cameras? 



Griffin: Oh interesting. I mean, definitely not. This is not that place. 



Travis: Hmm.



Griffin: I do not think. Maybe it should be that place because of the type of patron that comes here. But no I don’t think, necessarily, they’re gonna have that. 



Justin: What about… I wanna look behind the bar. Is there any… is there a…? I would imagine that a place like this prolly has a weapon there. I’m curious if it was drawn or if things happened too quickly.



Travis: Oh, I see. 



Griffin: Oh, you actually wanna like get in the building and look behind the bar?



Justin: Yeah, I think I’m just gonna go in there. Flash my badge to the dipshit at the door. 



Clint: [Crosstalk] Yeah, he’s the only one with a badge. 



Griffin: Oh, okay. I like that justification, I think the sheriff’s, deputies who… because they’re nameless, maybe there’s so many people working on the sheriff’s department that they don’t know that you aren’t one of them. They just see the badge and like “yeah, headon through.” 



Travis: Aubrey stays out to talk to the two Hornets. 



Griffin: Okay, and Ned? What are you doing? 



Clint: I’m going to look around the grounds. 



Griffin: Okay, just sort of in general see what you can see? 



Clint: Well, I want it— I wanna look for drag marks. I wanna look for any sign of the body being dragged away from the bar.



Griffin: Okay. Duck, why don’t we start with you? Because you’re gonna get a lot of sort of info just walking into the bar. Not that it’s gonna be especially useful info. It looks like a bomb went off in here. There are broken chairs all over, there are some broken tables. There’s a big mirror sort of behind the bar, and that’s just been shattered. There’s a big window leading out to the front of the bar, that’s been shattered. And in fact, as you get closer to these bikes, you can tell that the glass went outwards and somebody was probably thrown through it, old school saloon style. And just landed flat on those bikes. There’s just a lot of blood. There’s a shuffleboard table that is just caked in it. This is— I mean, y’all been huntin’ monsters for a while, this is definitely the grizzliest thing you have seen since being in this business. 



Justin: And this is like— Would you say that this is a scary situation? Like, I don’t necessarily 100% know that I’m safe in here? 



Griffin: Uhm, I don’t— I mean, since the sheriff’s been here for a while and the perimeter has been setup here for a while, and the blood’s all like super dry. You assume there’s nothing— whatever did this is not here right now.



Justin: Alright.



Griffin: I don’t think you feeling in a lot of danger. 



Justin: Just trying to milk an experience point outta you but that’s fair. 



Griffin: [Laughs] Oh, I mean what’s the question? Because you— I mean, Justin—



Justin: It’s literally, if I go off by myself to check out somewhere or something scary mark experience. I wouldn’t necessary—



Griffin: [Crosstalk] Go ahead and mark experience. Justin, if you walked into a fucking bar that people got killed in last night, I think you’d be [Justin: Scary.] fucking scared, yeah. And right now you, Justin, are as powerful, if not more powerful than your character Duck Newton. 



Justin: Yeah, ‘cause I got a blue belt. 



Griffin: Yeah, you do have a blue belt. You could kick this— this thing. Yeah, go ahead and mark experience. And also, if you want to do this investigation you were talking about, go ahead and roll Investigate a Mystery for me. 



Justin: Oookay. 



Griffin: This stuff I just said, you got just from walking in and you could see.



Justin: Son of a—



Griffin: Holy shit, Justin. That’s a 4.



Justin: 4!



Griffin: Big 4. Plus—



Justin: Why do my rolls have to be mundane.



Travis: [Crosstalk] Pull a Luck, my dude. 



Justin: Like why do my rolls have to be mundane?



Griffin: Yeah, you could drop a Luck point. What’s your sharp now that you’re mundane? 



Justin: One. 



Griffin: Yeah, I mean, a Luck is the only way you’re gonna turn this into a victory. But I don’t know if you wanna…



Justin: [Sighs] It’s just to like investigate, right? 



Griffin: Yeah.



Justin: This seems like very important, though. I’d hate to like… 



Travis: Yeah.



Justin: I’ve never use Luck, and I could get those back somehow? 



Griffin: No, your Luck is an expendable resource. But I’m saying, we’re more than halfway through this campaign. You haven’t used any Luck. Like you’re sitting on—



Justin: [Crosstalk] Yeah, you know what? Just this one time. I worked very hard to get in here. I had to rationalize a lot of stuff. 



Griffin: Okay, that bumps—



Justin: [Crosstalk] I spend a Luck point. 



Griffin: Cool, you get a complete success. You hold two and you get to ask one of these questions: “What happened here? What sort of creature is it? What can it do? What can hurt it? Where did it go? What was it going to do? What is being concealed here?”



Justin: Uhm.



Griffin: I love that there’s advanced moves which I don’t think any of you guys have taken. I think you have to level up five times before you can take them, which you all probably are close to now. And the advanced move for Investigate a Mystery is that you can ask a question— you can ask any question you want about the mystery, not just the listed ones. Which seems a little OP. Who did it? What is it? How do I kill? 



Justin: What sort of creature is it? 



Griffin: Uhm, okay… A woman walks up to you, wearing the sheriff’s department uniform. And she’s taking some pictures of the scene as you walk in, and she says,



Woman: Hey, I don’t recognize you. Are you—? Hey, who are you? What are you doing here?



Duck: My name is Duck Newton and I am looking for… information about what occurred here.



Woman: You a journalist?



Duck: I am a… badged professional. 



[Clint laughing in the background]



Woman: That’s good enough for me. 



[Travis laughing



Woman: Yeah, it’s a gnarly sight, huh? Been working at the sheriff’s department for a few years now, I ain’t never seen nothing like this. I didn’t think stuff like this happen’ in Kepler. 



Duck: What was your name? 



Woman: My name… My name is Megan. 



Griffin: There’s probably a listener of our show named Megan, it’s you. I didn’t know that this character was going to exist, an hour ago. 



Justin: ‘Cause Duck’s a rude piece of shit. 



Griffin: Yeah. 



Megan: I’m Detective Megan… Lastname and I’m here— You ever seen anything like this?



Duck: Yeah, I mean a little bit. Not exactly to this extend of brutality, but I’ve got a little more experience than I like with sort of unexplained situations. 



Megan: Tell me about unexplained. I was down at the morgue, I helped get the bodies down there, and it’s one thing to like, you know, murder someone. One of these Hornets had a big chunk missing out of his neck. And there’s teeth marks on it? [Duck gasps] It looked like somebody just chunked right down on him. Had himself a lil dude snack. And what kinda stuff do you gotta be on to do something heinous like that? I swear, I thought Kepler was different, safe from stuff like this. But I’m gonna move back to Chicago, you know? I’m gonna move back to— That’s not where I’m from, but you know what I mean? It’s a figure of speech. 



Duck: Yeah, back to Chicago, like they say. 



[Laughter



Griffin: I think that’s as much as you’re gonna get in here for “What sort of creature is it,” since the creature is not here. 



Justin: So you have “chomped down on the neck?” Is that what we have established?



Griffin: Yes, you have one more question. 



Justin: Is there any reality in which “What can hurt it?”— I mean, that’s one of my questions, but there’s just no… Like, it doesn’t make sense, right? Like no reality would make me have [wheezing] access to that information. 



Griffin: I mean…



Justin: I can ask a different one that feels more narratively sound. 



Griffin: Yeah.



Duck: So… Megan, what— Detective Megan, excuse me, what happened here? As near as you can tell. I mean, did this thing just take these guys just straight to Chicago, or? 



[Laughter]



Duck: How did all shake out? 



Megan: Well, we’ve talked to a few people, who were in here when the person came in… 



Duck: And it was a person?



Megan: Yeah, it— What else would it been?



Duck: I mean, wild animals? You know, this part of town. It’s a possibility. 



Megan: I mean, what I understand is, the person acted like a wild animal what with the dude snack. Just came in through the door, didn’t seem to be provoked, nobody here seemed to know who they were. They came in and they just started killing, and clawing, and people said that— picked up a table like it weren’t nothing. Threw somebody all the way across the room, like 20 feet. Moving around and just chucking people like they were Superman or something like this. But if Superman you know, bit people. 



Duck: [Quietly] Bit people.



Megan: Just came in here and did its killing. And then once everybody taken off, they took flight—



Duck: [Crosstalk] Right back to Chicago!



Megan: Right on back. [Justin giggling] Yeah. 



Duck: Well, I appreciate you talk with me, Detective Megan. Imma let you right back to Chicago and Imma go talk to my guys over there in Chicago, and we’re gonna get right back to Chicago. 



Megan: Yep, that was all correct usage of idiom, so well done.



Justin: [Giggling] “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo.



Griffin: Aubrey, you are back out in the parking lot and you— we’re going to speak to the two Hornets that you saw. The big one and the little one. 



Travis: Do I recognize either of them? 



Griffin: You probably saw them during the ski trip confrontation. They were definitely there, helping make the stunt video up on Mt. Kepler. But you’re not like super fam— You know, it’s not Hollis, it’s not Keith. 



Travis: Gotcha. 



Aubrey: Hey… Hey there, fellas. How are you holding up? 



Bigger Hornet: Uhm… Y’know, I’ve been better. Are you like grief counselor?



Littler Hornet: Yeah, you grief counselor? 



Aubrey: I do have some counselling experience, but right now, think of me more as your friend. 



Bigger Hornet: I could really use a grief counselor more than friend, at the moment. I got—



Aubrey: Okay, then I’m a grief counselor. Yes.



[Clint laughing]



Littler Hornet: I’m just saying, we’ve got friends. 



Aubrey: Okay. No, I follow— Okay.



Bigger Hornet: [Crosstalk] Yeah, through all of this, we’ve got each other. And I’m thanking the lord for that.



Aubrey: That’s absolutely beautiful. I am a grief counselor. What are your names?



Justin: Be careful, Trav. He doesn’t always have names. Sometimes he’ll make you feel like a heathen for asking names. 



[Clint laughing]



Bigger Hornet: My name’s Beven. 



Littler Hornet: And my name’s Tim. 



Aubrey: Okay, Tim, Beven… You know, I find that with traumatic experiences like this, sometimes it helps to talk about what happened. Because often times we’ll close ourselves off to it, not really let ourselves live through the experience. And that’s where we get haunted by the past. But as we let ourselves discuss it, we can oftentimes break through that wall and make it something in the past rather than something we’re still living in, in the present. 



Beven: Are we gonna get to talk to each other through dolls at some point? I heard that’s sorta the main thing that you do. 



Aubrey: We’ll get to that, but you have to earn that. Okay, Beven? Gotta earn that. With my trust. So how about… first start by just telling me what happened. 



Griffin: Let’s roll Investigate a Mystery. Is your magic— I’ve mention your magic eye power, that’s for… what is it? The other one… 



Travis: Read a Bad Situation? 



Griffin: Read a Bad Situation, right. 



Travis: Investigate a Mystery, that’s plus sharp… an 8. So I get to hold one. 



Aubrey: So how about you tell me what you’ve closed off. What haven’t you told the police? What’s that thing, where you’re like “They would never believe this?” You can open up to me. I’m here to believe you. 



Travis: And that question is, “What’s being concealed here?”



Griffin: Okay. Yeah, I got a good one for that. Beven looks around and says,



Beven: You’re gonna think I’m telling tales outta school or, y’know just making up— just poppycock. 



Tim: Yeah, it’s gonna sound like poppycock. 



Aubrey: Beven, I would never— Tim, don’t use that kind of language. Beven, I would never.



Beven: So we were standing out front of the bar, just sort of catching a lungful of that good smoke from a cigarette. I smoke a lot, I look cool when I do it. But anyway, we’re out there in front with Hollis. We watched the person walk in. And I wasn’t paying a lot of attention to when they walked in. But I notice some— And they came into the parking lot, and it was— It looked like a kind of, I mean, I wanna say small. But like, everyone’s kinda small to me, ‘cause I’m a pretty big man.



Tim: The biggest man! 



Aubrey: Okay. 



Beven: Thanks, Tim, that’s sweet. It’s like this blonde lady. She had her hood pulled up, but I could see some of her hair. And she was just about Tim-sized, I would say. 



Aubrey: [Quiet] Blonde lady? 



Beven: Yeah. She was the one that came in—



Justin: Tim-sized blonde lady. 



Beven: And she came in, to the bar. I didn’t see, payin’ no mind. Hollis seemed kinda spooked for whatever reason. And then… you know. The stuff happened. And I was on my way out and I doubled back, ‘cause I was like “my bike, my bike!” And I was like, I don’t wanna get torn apart like everybody else but I do need to get my bike. So I started to head back and saw her again, but this time like… she was way different. She was— She was— Now she wasn’t Tim-sized, you’re not gonna believe this, now she was Beven-sized. She was huge and she was different. She still had her hood up, so I couldn’t make out her face a whole lot. But obviously it was sort of a— what’s the word? Like a grim mask of death. It’s like she’s— You ever seen Transformers?  



Aubrey: Yeah.



Beven: It’s like one of those. 



Clint: [Whispering] Another Transformers reference.



Justin: That’s two in two episodes. Transformers are coming to this arc, I can feel it.



Clint: You did, they are so coming. 



Aubrey: Did— Hey, Beven? 



Beven: Yeah.



Aubrey: Did you see her teeth? 



Beven: No, I was too far away for that. I mean, her face, what I could see, was covered in a lot of blood. So there’s that. But yeah. That’s all I got. So, I gotta say, I’m not feeling less grievous. I guess. 



[Justin giggling]



Aubrey: No, you’ve made a great start. Uhm. Drink lots of water. 



Beven: Great. 



[Clint laughing



Griffin: Ned, why don’t you— You’re walking around the grounds. You’re just trying to like see what you can see, right? 



Clint: Yeah, Ned walks around the— like, behind the bar. Around the edge of the wooded area, and it suddenly occurs to Ned that he’s [clicking] not fucking Bindi Irwin and doesn’t know a damn thing about looking for tracks in the woods, [Griffin: Yeah.] and the ground. So, he doesn’t wanna go back so quick ‘cause they’ll know that he was a big failure. So he kinda leans up against the dumpster and starts munching on some Slim Jims that he had in his pocket. 



Travis: What is going on? 



Clint: And he’s just— 



Travis: [Crosstalk] Ned’s just taking a break from the game real quick. 



Clint: And he’s just looking around. [Travis laughing] He knows, he was kinda bein’ all “[Ned voice] I’ll look for clues” and you know, trying to impress his buddies. And now he realizes, he doesn’t know anything about this shit. He’s just gonna sit there with this Slim Jim and after a few minutes go back. And that’s how he’s gonna Investigate a Mystery. 



Griffin: [Amused] Well, then go ahead and roll Investigate a Mystery. 



Clint: Alright… 3!



Griffin: Oh. My. God!



Clint: Plus—



Travis: [Crosstalk] That totally fits the narrative you just set up. 



Clint: Plus 2 for sharp. 



Griffin: It’s a 5. 



Travis: So now instead of being a huge failure, it’s just a huge failure.



Griffin: This is a big failure, instead of a huge one. Uhm… man. Okay, I’m gonna do a hard move, and this is the move. And I will also give you a little something. You were standing here idly watching… nothing, I guess. Eating your Slim Jims, your dumpster Slim Jim break, Ned, you absolute raccoon. 



Clint: It’s one of the like 3 foot ones, that you pick up—



Griffin: [Crosstalk] Yeah, sure. [Music fades in] You are sitting there, just idly looking around. And you see what looks like this string of light, that is just kind of hovering in the air. And it’s super faint, you probably wouldn’t have noticed it, if you hadn’t been standing here for a while and seen the light change, the clouds move overhead, and notice this thing. I think you only see it for a little bit, this like little rift floating in the air. And as you start to approach it, something happens. You see this rift like [stuttering] o-open up? Just like slightly, just like a half inch. And behind it you see an eyeball looking at you. And just as quickly as you’ve noticed it, it disappears. 



You all are back at Amnesty Lodge [music fades out] to regroup with Mama and Barclay. Jake Cool-Ice also went to the hospital and is there, as you all are sort of gathering up all of information. And I think he opens up, and you can tell he’s had a long, difficult day. And he says,



Jake: So, uh… Yeah. Apparently only a couple people got killed, but those that made it out didn’t— I can’t say they’re doing super great. A couple of ‘em got… got bit. And a couple just got, you know, beat up, and thrown around, and got some fractured collar bones and arms. And whatever did this, it did it with… intent. So, that’s all I could get. Now I’m going to go and take a dip in the springs, and just listen to some smooth jazz or something. ‘Cause I need something to take the edge off. 



Griffin: And Mama says,



Mama: Alright, we got somebody bitin’ people, we got super strength, and they turned big and scary, anything else?



Travis: I just FYI, I think Aubrey has specifically left out the blonde hair detail. 



Griffin: Okay.



Ned: There was an eyeball. An eyeball looking at me through a rift.



Mama: Well, that’s peculiar, Ned. You sh— and you didn’t open up with the eyeball rift? 



Ned: I was looking for the opportunity! I didn’t want to just leap into it. I wanted to work it into a narrative flow. Build to it and then say something like [dramatic] “And a rift! I saw a rift!” 



Duck: Yeah.



Mama: [Sighs] Duck, you got anything to contribute here? 



Duck: Uhh, I mean it’s sorta been covered, it— I mean with the chomping. Got that. 



Mama: Yeah.



Duck: Uh, it was a— on my report here that I took from A— was listenin’ in with Aubrey. And it says, “one Tim-sized blonde lady”. So that is the closest to a description.



[Clint wheezes]



Travis: Didn’t say blonde. Kept that to myself.



Griffin: Yeah, definitely didn’t say that.



Justin: Okay.



Duck: “One Tim-sized lady”, and no descriptions on the vics, except that they got messed up pretty bad. Also there was no provocation, I should mention also, that it seems like… just came in and started attacking people. 



Aubrey: But does seem like intent— It like walked right into this place.



Duck: [Crosstalk] Right, yeah, it seemed intentional. Doesn’t seem like somebody picked a fight. 



Griffin: Obviously like, the reason you’re keeping the description sort of concealed, Aubrey, is obvious. But I think, Barclay is, even without the hair color, right there with you. He looks super nervous and says,



Barclay: Uh-huh, okay. If it’s… Are we talking about an old school vampire, because that could be kind of problematic. 



Griffin: And I think he’s just looking at Dani while he’s talking about this, and says, 



Barclay: I don’t— She seems fine and I don’t think she’s been skipping on trips—



Aubrey: [Crosstalk] It’s not Dani. 



Barclay: I know it’s not Dani, but like… if the wind moves in that dire— if people start following clues like, she’s kind of a—



Aubrey: Hey, Barclay, we don’t need to jump to Chicago, okay? 



Barclay: Okay.



Aubrey: We’ve got still tons of information we don’t have. 



Griffin: As you all are sort of talking about this, you are… I imagine you’re down in the basement, the cellar, so that nobody— you don’t drop any big clues in front of Stern. And the ceiling starts to rumble. You hear the sounds of motors outside. Up above you, outside of the cellar, in the front yard of the parking lot of Amnesty Lodge. 



Aubrey: Oh, thank god. The Fast and the Furious crew are here, now we’re safe. 



Griffin: And like really quickly Mama and Barclay look at each other kind of like weirded out and start heading out to the surface. And as they open the door and you all kind of poke your head out of the cellar, you are temporarily blinded by this row of bright headlights shining in your direction. They all flick off one by one and you see what was hiding behind them. Parked in formation in front of Amnesty Lodge is a fleet of 20 motorbikes ridden by Hornets with Hollis at the lead. They take off their helmet and approach the lot of you as you all step out of the cellar. You see Keith just sort of, just behind them. And Keith, as he takes off his helmet, looks genuinely— locks eyes with you, Aubrey, and then looks very scared. And Hollis approaches you all as you come out of the cellar and says,



Hollis: So you all heard what happened at our place last night, right? 



Aubrey: Yeah. 



Duck: [Drawn out] Yep. Real sorry about it. 



Hollis: Yeah, it’s awful. So Keith told me everything about the monsters. Told me that you all work to fight them and keep it a big secret. 



[Clint snorting]



Duck: Uhm.



Aubrey: Huh. Hey, Keith? Hollis? Can we talk to you over here just for a mo?



Griffin: Hollis says, 



Hollis: I’m good. I’m new with this obviously, but is the plan that you usually keep us, you know the rest of the town, in the dark and then after someone gets slaughtered then you step in to clean up the mess? Is that how— 



Ned: [Crosstalk] That’s been working so far for us. 



Aubrey: I don’t know what you’re talking about.



Hollis: Okay. Well, good news. You don’t need to know what I’m talking about anymore. You all are relieved of duty, [beat] we’ll take it from here. 



[Theme music (The Adventure Zone: Amnesty Theme by Griffin McElroy) plays]

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