Taako

Introduction

Gallery

Taako
Vital statistics
Title	BoB: Lead Reclaimer IPRE: Resident Chef and Arcanist
Aliases	Bo Leon Kessler Justin Kessler Jerry The Mongoose Tuff Greg
Status	Alive
Player	Justin McElroy
Roleplaying characteristics
Class	Wizard
Specialization	Transmutation
Level	16
Alignment	Chaotic Good
Deity	Ohgma Istus (as of The Eleventh Hour)
Known Relatives	Lup (Sister) Kravitz (boyfriend) Aunt (Unknown) Grandpa Tostaada (Grandfather)
Hometown or Homeland	New Elfington
Homeworld	Two-Sunned Planet
Gender	Male
Race	High Elf
Ability Scores
Strength	10
Constitution	14
Dexterity	16
Intelligence	20
Wisdom	12
Charisma	10
Armor Class	12
Initiative	+1
Speed	30ft
Proficiency Bonus	+5
Languages	Common Dwarvish Draconic Elvish Goblin Animal grunts
Hit Points	83
Skills
Acrobatics	+1
Animal Handling	+1
Arcana	+4
Athletics	+0
Deception	+0
History	+8
Insight	+1
Intimidation	+0
Investigation	+8
Medicine	+1
Nature	+4
Perception	+5
Performance	+0
Persuasion	+0
Religion	+8
Sleight of Hand	+1
Stealth	+1
Survival	+1

“

Abraca-f**k you!

”

—Taako, iconically, to Magic Brian

Taako is a player character in The Balance Arc campaign played by Justin McElroy. He is a High Elf wizard with a Chaotic Good alignment. Taako often provides comic relief, yet proves to be serious in times of great danger.

He is originally from New Elfington. Prior to meeting Merle Highchurch and Magnus Burnsides, he hosted a traveling cooking show, Sizzle It Up! with Taako, but fled after forty people died in the show's final episode.

Personality

Taako is a disaffected and aloof trickster. He is a bit of a kleptomaniac and often loots corpses. He is willing to steal from a corpse, but not from a bank. He rarely shows an emotional state beyond frustration.

Although he is a smooth talker, Taako has little actual charm. He tends to do things because they are funny, regardless of how this may affect strangers. He is often cruel and callous towards those he does not care for, and occasionally towards friends and allies as well. However, Taako has also shown the capacity for empathy and kindness towards those he appears to respect. For example, he gives Ren a certificate at the end of The Eleventh Hour.

Intelligence

Towards the beginning of the series, Taako was played off as stupid, as Justin believed this would be "funnier." However, it becomes clear throughout the series that Taako is actually extremely competent. It can be assumed that Taako pretends to be a "simple idiot wizard" in order to keep people off-guard.

“

I am but a simple idiot Wizard.

”

—Taako

It was Taako who figured out how to outwit Hodge Podge during the Crystal Kingdom arc. Likewise, during the final Lunar Interlude, Taako was the first to figure out that they were trapped in a mind prison.

Issues of Abandonment

It can be assumed that Taako's traumatic past has given him some issues of abandonment. During a date with Kravitz, Taako is asked why he would do something so dangerous for his job. Taako replies that he is "worried no one else will have [him]."

Gender and Sexuality

Taako is a "gay dude." This is "100% canonical," according to Justin.

He may or may not be a man, but uses he/him pronouns. He has stated that he's "not a man" under Merle's Zone of Truth. It's unclear if Justin objected to Taako being called a man as that implied he was human or if Taako does not identify as a man, though it is likely he was referencing not being a human as he's mentioned before that man and woman refer to humans ("like isn't a woman and a man like those are humans, right?"). Soon after this, he comments that he's not a person either, which would seem to indicate that he meant the former. In other instances, Justin has referred to Taako as a "male fellow."

History

Here there be spoilers! Proceed at your own risk if you have not yet listened to Episode 58 and beyond.

Not much is known about Taako's life. This is mostly due to the Voidfish's interference with the memories of the Tres Horny Boys.

It is known Taako is over sixty-five years old. It can be assumed that Taako is over one hundred years old, since elves are not considered adults until that age. There is a possibility that Taako went by another name before he reached adulthood. Upon reaching adulthood, elves choose their own names.

Early Life

Taako is known to have lived with his grandfather on a farm before a war. He learned to cook from his Aunt Chilada. Taako and his twin sister Lup were passed around between family members, never sticking with any for long. They learned to trust only each other.

Taako and his sister had been on the road since the age of twelve. They made their livings with troupes of performers and mercenaries, trying to find a place where they belonged. Taako served as a chef with these traveling crews in order to pay his way. During this time, Taako internalized an avoidance to physical conflict. He also picked up enough magical techniques from wizards in the party to be dangerous.

Taako and Lup graduated top of their class at the magic academy they attended.

Not much else is known about Taako's early life before The Stolen Century and he does not appear to be keen to share.

The Stolen Century

Taako joined the Institute of Planar Research with his twin sister Lup after reaching adulthood, presumably after the age of one hundred, to become part of his world's first group of explorers. They acted as both chefs and arcanists during the expedition, being sources of magical information.

Before leaving their home world, the crew goes to a biker bar to party and fight. Taako and Lup spend their time hustling people at pool. They take the losers' magical shoes since cash is worthless to them at this point.

On the day of the launch, Taako chose to wear both a red robe and a red jacket. As the storm starts to consume their world, the crew catches sight of The Hunger. They decide to evade and not return until after the danger has passed. When they touch back down, they realize they're not in the same plane they left.

Cycle One

Being good at languages, the twins spend their first year talking to the animals and learning history in The Animal Kingdom. The first animals they are able to speak to is a family of mongooses. It is possible this led to Taako's identification with the animals. The animal language is only learned by Taako, Lup, and Barry Bluejeans. The crew goes with Magnus to try to gain access to The Light of Creation. After causing a scene, Magnus and the rest of the crew enter the animal's High Court. While translating for the crew, Taako tells the animals that they are called "Taakos."

Taako and Lup were the first to flee when The Hunger caught up to them in The Animal Kingdom. While Lup took time to take potshots at The Hunger, Taako bolted without heeding the status of the others.

Sizzle It Up with Taako

Six years before the Eleventh Hour, Taako was a TV cook on the show 'Sizzle It Up with Taako.' As television does not exist in The Adventure Zone's Balance arc universe, this was a road show that traveled from town to town.

When he noticed that audiences were flagging, he began learning magic in order to spice up his performances. He (re)taught himself magic from books he picked up and from wizards he traveled around with. He toured with Sazed, who acted as his driver, roadie, stage manager, and right hand man. Sazed thought Taako "hung the moon" and learned how to cook during their travels together. As the show grew in popularity, Sazed asked to do more and more with the show, even asking to co-host the show and change the name to Sizzle It Up with Taako and Sazed. Taako said no and attempted to soften the blow by claiming it was due to merchandising issues and out of a desire to maintain his brand.

The show ended in Glamour Springs, which forty of its townsfolk attended. He prepared his famous "Thirty Garlic Clove Chicken" for his audience that day. Unbeknownst to Taako, the chicken he had prepared had been poisoned by Sazed with arsenic. When the first person began to die, Taako and Sazed ran. He assumed that the garnish of elderberries he had used on the chicken had been unwittingly transmuted into deadly nightshade. The two of them drove for two days together, but Sazed abandoned him as soon as he had the opportunity.

The Balance Arc Campaign

Taako entered The Balance Arc campaign not long after the failure of his TV show, Sizzle It Up! with Taako.

Imbalance

Ten years after the Day of Story and Song, Taako entered a year-long bet with Kravitz that he could be successful without using magic. The winner gets a backrub.

The Taco Quest

Taako is on a noble quest to find a perfect alternative to a sandwich in all of its savory goodness. In Episode 68, his quest is completed as Joaquin Terrero, a young man in the Plane of Thought, guides him in making his first taco. Before this, Taako had also discovered several components of taco on his own.

Component	Type	Context
Cheese	ingredient	Knows the term "cheese", but does not know what it means.
Grinding	concept	Taako is aware that grinding things may make them more easily seasoned, but doesn't know what should be ground.
Sour Cream	ingredient	Was once warned of souring cream while working on his grandfather's farm.
Spicy Meat	ingredient	The phrase "that's a spicy meatball" made Taako realize spicy meat is a good combination.
Diced Tomatoes	ingredient	The Pocket Spa provided Taako with a tuna sandwich topped with diced tomatoes.
Meat in a Shell	concept
The Fateful Meal	concept	The inspiration for the taco picked up by Taako in an underground restaurant. Gives him the idea for the flavor profile and structure.

Relationships

Magnus Burnsides

Brother from another mother. Taako is homies enough with Magnus that Magnus steals his clothes during the Halloween Live Show for a Halloween costume.

Merle Highchurch

Taako and Merle are the two magic users of Tres Horny Boys. Along with Magnus, they are best friends and adventuring partners.

Angus McDonald

Angus McDonald meets the boys on the Rockport Limited. During that time, they play tricks on him, but are endeared to his can-do detective attitude. Taako, in particular, takes a liking to the boy. He begins teaching Angus magic.

Taako reveals his backstory to Angus as a cautionary tale about transmutation. It's noted as a particularly vulnerable moment for the normally aloof elf. He shows considerable pride in Angus' developing magical abilities.

During the events of the "Reunion Tour" interludes, Taako states that Angus is the only person he truly trusts and considers him "precious," and in the Live Boston Stunt Spectacular, calls Angus "[his] boy."

Kravitz

Kravitz is currently considered Taako's boyfriend. Clint McElroy provided the shipping name "Taakitz."

Kravitz began hunting the boys in the Crystal Kingdom arc. However, when he appeared in his "handsome" material form, Taako began flirting with him (and got him into some sweet, sweet tent-porn). He is deemed "Bone Daddy."

Emergence as a Love Interest

Here there be spoilers! Proceed at your own risk if you have not yet listened to Episode 50 and beyond.

After the Eleventh Hour, Kravitz confronted Taako about the numerous deaths that occurred in Refuge. Unable to complete their conversation due to a call from the Raven Queen, Kravitz gave Taako his far-speech frequency so they could complete the conversation about what should happen.

Taako takes Kravitz on a date to the Chug n' Squeeze to attend a couple's pottery class together. While Kravitz is late for the meeting, he's flustered by the seemingly romantic location. Taako states that he thought the public setting would be "less weird" and that he was afraid to put himself into private with someone so dangerous. Kravitz reassures Taako that he's not interested in hurting him.

At the end of the night, Kravitz asks if the date was for "business or pleasure," and Taako answers, "a little of both." When Kravitz transforms into his skeleton form while detecting an evil presence, Taako says, "love this."

Love Interest Canonical Context

During the finale, the romantic relationship between Kravitz and Taako is confirmed, first by Lup, then through a thrilling scene of reunion.

Prior to the finale, Justin and Griffin had stated that the relationship is probably canonical. Justin noted he does not wish to detail any dates between the two, as he believes it's important that the fandom should be left to have the discretion. However, he has said "it seemed like they had a fun time, I guess, they seemed to really enjoy each other's company." Justin has also said that roleplaying future dates would be strange due to the fact that Griffin, who plays Kravitz, is his brother. "It is... weird to go on fantasy dates with my brother." Justin also makes it clear that the discomfort is in no way related to Taako’s sexuality.

During a live show, we learn that it is canon that they share a home with pet cats, who Susan cares for much to Taako's dismay. Taako hates Susan. Kravitz knows that. Kravitz claims that he doesn't need to like her for her to feed the cats. Taako and Kravitz also canonically watch “Queer Eye” together. Taako asks Kravitz to wait for him before bingeing season 2, Kravitz reply’s with “Too late!”

Lup

Lup is Taako's twin sister who was, for much of the Balance Arc, caught inside the Umbra Staff.

The two spent their childhood together, trusting only each other. Upon reaching adulthood, they both joined up with the IPRE and remained close throughout the entirety of the Stolen Century. Eventually, through circumstances neither could control, Lup went missing and all memory of her was lost to the Voidfish.

During the finale, they are reunited. (He's not losing her again.)

Powers and Abilities

Taako is a high elf wizard specializing in transmutation. He has advantage on saving throws against being charmed, immunity to sleep spells, and can perform minor alchemy. He is also right-handed.

Racial Abilities

It can be assumed that Taako has racial abilities most resembling elves from The Forgotten Realms. This includes dark vision and only needing four hours of trance-like rest to restore health.

Spells

The following are the spells known by Taako. (Note: Most low-level spells can be cast at an additionally higher level for a stronger effect.)

Cantrips

Cantrips are spells which can be cast at any time. Taako knows five of these:

Name	Synopsis	School	Number of Times Used	Episodes Used
Mage Hand	A spectral, floating hand appears at a point you choose within range. You can use the hand to manipulate an object, open an unlocked door or container, stow or retrieve an item from an open container, or pour the contents out of a vial.	Conjuration
Minor Illusion	You create a sound or an image of an object within range that lasts for the duration.	Illusion
Prestidigitation	You create a shower of sparks, clean or soil a small object, print a symbol or color, etc.	Transmutation
Ray of Frost	A frigid beam of blue-white light streaks toward a creature within range.	Evocation

1st - 8th Level

Taako has # of 1st spell slots.

Name	Synopsis	Level	School	Number of Times Used	Episodes Used
Shield	An invisible barrier of magical force appears and protects you.	1st-level	Abjuration
Sleep	This spell sends creatures into a magical slumber.	1st-level	Enchantment		[attempted twice in early episodes]
Darkvision	You touch a willing creature to grant it the ability to see in the dark.	2nd-level	Transmutation
Charm Person	You attempt to charm a humanoid you can see within range.	1st-level	Enchantment		[first cast in Gerblins]
Thunderwave	A wave of thunderous force sweeps out from you.	1st-level	Evocation
Levitate	One creature or object of your choice that you can see within range rises vertically, up to 20 feet, and remains suspended there for the duration.	2nd-level	Transmutation		[cast twice in Rockport Limited]
Detect Magic	For the duration, you sense the presence of magic within 30 feet of you.	1st-level	Divination		[used quite often]
Magic Missile	You create three glowing darts of magical force. Each dart hits a creature of your choice that you can see within range.	1st-level	Evocation		[first used in Gerblins]
Melf's Acid Arrow	A shimmering green arrow streaks toward a target within range and burst in a spray of acid.	2nd-level	Evocation		[first used in Rockport Limited]
Blink	On a roll of 11 or higher, you vanish from your current plane of existence and appear in the Ethereal Plane.	3rd-level	Transmutation		[used several times, first in Petals to the Metal, later proved to be plot relevant]
Rope Trick	You touch a length of rope that is up to 60 feet long. One end of the rope then rises into the air until the whole rope hangs perpendicular to the ground. At the upper end of the rope, an invisible entrance opens to an extradimensional space that lasts until the spell ends.	2nd-level	Transmutation		[Petals to the Metal]
Scorching Ray	You create three rays of fire and hurl them at targets within range.	2nd-level	Evocation		[in several adventures]
Disguise Self	You make yourself—including your clothing, armor, weapons, and other belongings on your person—look different until the spell ends or until you use your action to dismiss it.	1st-level	Illusion		[Rockport Limited, Petals to the Metal, The Suffering Game]
Clairvoyance	You create an invisible sensor within range in a location familiar to you (a place you have visited or seen before) or in an obvious location that is unfamiliar to you (such as behind a door, around a corner, or in a grove of trees).	3rd-level	Divination		[Petals to the Metal]
Crown of Madness	One humanoid of your choice that you can see within range must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw or become charmed by you for the duration. While the target is charmed in this way, a twisted crown of jagged iron appears on its head, and a madness glows in its eyes.	2nd-level	Enchantment		[Petals to the Metal, Attempted in a live special]
Enlarge/Reduce	You cause a creature or an object you can see within range to grow larger or smaller for the duration.	2nd-level	Transmutation		[in Petals to the Metal, The Eleventh Hour, The Suffering Game, Reunion Tour, The Stolen Century]
Phantom Steed	A Large quasi-real, horse-like creature appears on the ground in an unoccupied space of your choice within range. His name is Garyl	3rd-level	Illusion	3	25, 36, 43, 46
Fireball	A bright streak flashes from your pointing finger to a point you choose within range and then blossoms with a low roar into an explosion of flame.	3rd-level	Evocation
Shatter	A sudden loud ringing noise, painfully intense, erupts from a point of your choice within range.	2nd-level	Evocation
Phantasmal Killer	You tap into the nightmares of a creature you can see within range and create an illusory manifestation of its deepest fears, visible only to that creature.	4th-level	Illusion		[questionable use on a tardigrade in Crystal Kingdom]
Evard's Black Tentacles	Squirming, ebony tentacles fill a 20-foot square on ground that you can see within range. For the duration, these tentacles turn the ground in the area into difficult terrain.	4th-level	Conjuration	2	Ep. 36 Ep. 49
Gust of Wind	A line of strong wind 60 feet long and 10 feet wide blasts from you in a direction you choose for the spell’s duration.	2nd-level	Evocation
Stoneskin	This spell turns the flesh of a willing creature you touch as hard as stone.	4th-level	Abjuration		[The Eleventh Hour, Attempted in The Suffering Game?]
Knock	A target that is held shut by a mundane lock or that is stuck or barred becomes unlocked, unstuck, or unbarred. If the object has multiple locks, only one of them is unlocked.	2nd-level	Transmutation		[Eleventh Hour, live special]
Cone of Cold	A blast of cold air erupts from your hands. A creature killed by this spell becomes a frozen statue until it thaws	5th-level	Evocation
Wall of Force	An invisible wall of force springs into existence at a point you choose within range.	5th-level	Evocation
Wall of Stone	A non-magical wall of solid stone springs into existence at a point you choose within range.	5th-level	Evocation
Otiluke's Resilient Sphere	A sphere of shimmering force encloses a creature or object of Large size or smaller within range.	4th-level	Evocation
Planar Binding	With this spell, you attempt to bind a celestial, an elemental, a fey, or a fiend to your service.	5th-level	Abjuration		[Eleventh Hour, unsuccessful]
Ice Storm	A hail of rock-hard ice pounds to the ground in a 20-foot-radius, 40-foot-high cylinder centered on a point within range.	4th-level	Evocation
Leomund's Secret Chest	You hide a chest, and all its contents, on the Ethereal Plane.	4th-level	Conjuration
Arcane Eye	You create an invisible, magical eye within range that hovers in the air for the duration.	4th-level	Divination
Cloudkill	You create a 20-foot-radius sphere of poisonous, yellowgreen fog centered on a point you choose within range.	5th-level	Conjuration
Mislead	You become invisible at the same time that an illusory double of you appears where you are standing.	5th-level	Illusion
Bigby's Hand	You create a hand of shimmering, translucent force in an unoccupied space that you can see within range.	5th-level	Evocation		[Eleventh Hour plus at least one subsequent use]
Disintegrate	A thin green ray springs from your pointing finger to a target that you can see within range.	6th-level	Transmutation		[The Suffering Game]
Banishment	You attempt to send one creature that you can see within range to another plane of existence.	4th-level	Abjuration		[Attempted on Ren in the Eleventh Hour, Unsuccessful, unless he meant to lose her trust.]
Polymorph	This spell transforms a creature that you can see within range into a new form.	4th-level	Transmutation		[Suffering Game, T-Rex]
Fire Shield	Thin and wispy flames wreathe your body for the duration, shedding bright light in a 10-foot radius and dim light for an additional 10 feet.	4th-level	Evocation
Fabricate	You convert raw materials into products of the same material. For example, you can fabricate a wooden bridge from a clump of trees, a rope from a patch of hemp, and clothes from flax or wool.	4th-level	Transmutation
Dominate Person	You attempt to beguile a humanoid that you can see within range.	5th-level	Enchantment
Animate Objects	Objects come to life at your command.	5th-level	Transmutation		[Suffering Game]
Greater Invisibility	You or a creature you touch becomes invisible until the spell ends.	4th-level	Illusion
Flesh to Stone	You attempt to turn one creature that you can see within range into stone.	6th-level	Transmutation		[aftermath of Crystal Kingdom]
Tasha's Hideous Laughter	A creature of your choice that you can see within range perceives everything as hilariously funny and falls into fits of laughter if this spell affects it.	1st-level	Enchantment		[Suffering Game]
True Seeing	This spell gives the willing creature you touch the ability to see things as they actually are.	6th-level	Divination		[Suffering Game, on Magnus]
Hunger of Hadar	You open a gateway to the dark between the stars, a region infested with unknown horrors. A 20-foot-radius sphere of blackness and bitter cold appears, centered on a point with range and lasting for the duration.	3rd-level	Conjuration		[Suffering Game]
Magic Jar	Your body falls into a catatonic state as your soul leaves it and enters the container you used for the spell’s material component. While your soul inhabits the container, you are aware of your surroundings as if you were in the container’s space.	6th-level	Necromancy		[Suffering Game]
Drawmij's Instant Summons	You touch an object weighing 10 pounds or less whose longest dimension is 6 feet or less. The spell leaves an invisible mark on its surface and invisibly inscribes the name of the item on the sapphire you use as the material component. At any time thereafter, you can use your action to speak the item’s name and crush the sapphire. The item instantly appears in your hand regardless of physical or planar distances, and the spell ends.	6th-level	Conjuration		[Final Lunar Interlude]
Detect Thoughts	For the duration, you can read the thoughts of certain creatures.	2nd-level	Divination		[Final(?) Lunar Interlude]
Water Breathing	This spell grants up to ten willing creatures you can see within range the ability to breathe underwater until the spell ends. Affected creatures also retain their normal mode of respiration.	3rd-level	Transmutation	1	Ep. 61
Immolation	Flames wreathe one creature you can see within range.	5th-level	Evocation	1	Ep. 67
Wall of Fire	You create a wall of fire on a solid surface within range. You can make the wall up to 60 feet long, 20 feet high, and 1 foot thick, or a ringed wall up to 20 feet in diameter, 20 feet high, and 1 foot thick. The wall is opaque and lasts for the duration.	4th-level	Evocation	1	Ep. 67
Storm Sphere	A 20-foot-radius sphere of whirling air springs into existence centered on a point you choose within range.	4th-level	Evocation	1	Ep.69
Sunburst	Brilliant sunlight flashes in a 60-foot radius centered on a point you choose within range.	8th-level	Evocation	1	Ep.69
Sunbeam	A beam of brilliant light flashes out from your hand in a 5-foot-wide, 60-foot-long line.	6th-level	Evocation	1	Ep.69
Whirlwind	A whirlwind howls down to a point on the ground you specify.	7th-level	Evocation	1	Ep.69
Blur	Your body becomes blurred, shifting and wavering to all who can see you.	2nd-level	Illusion	1	Live in Austin!
Alter Self	You assume a different form.	2nd-level	Transmutation	1	Live in Austin!
Reverse Gravity	This spell reverses gravity in a 50-foot-radius, 100-foot high cylinder centred on a point within range. All creatures and objects that aren't somehow anchored to the ground in the area fall upward and reach the top of the area when you cast this spell.	7th-level	Transmutation	1	Live in San Diego!
Maze	You banish a creature that you can see within range into a labyrinthine demiplane. The target remains there for the duration or until it escapes the maze.	8th-level	Conjuration	1	Live in San Diego!
Programmed Illusion	You create an illusion of an object, a creature, or some other visible phenomenon within range that activates when a specific condition occurs.	6th-level	Illusion	1	Live in Nashville!
Wall of Ice	You create a wall of ice on a solid surface within range.	6th-level	Evocation	1	Live in Nashville!
Continual Flame	A flame with a torch's brightness forms on an object you touch. It looks like a normal flame, but it emits no heat and doesn't use oxygen. The flame can be covered or hidden, but not put out.	2nd-level	Evocation	1	Candlenights in Tacoma!
Investiture of Flame	Flames race across your body, shedding bright light in a 30-foot radius and dim light for an additional 30 feet for the spell’s duration. The flames don’t harm you	6th-level	Transmutation	1	Candlenights in Tacoma!
Ice Knife	Make a ranged spell attack against the target. On a hit, the target takes 1d10 piercing damage. Hit or miss, the shard then explodes.	1st-level	Conjuration	1	Candlenights in Tacoma!
Delayed Blast Fireball	A beam of yellow light flashes from your pointing finger, then condenses to linger at a chosen point within range as a glowing bead for the duration. When the spell ends, either because your concentration is broken or because you decide to end it, the bead blossoms with a low roar into an explosion of flame that spreads around corners.	7th-level	Evocation	1	Candlenights in Tacoma!

Items

Items both currently owned and lost by Taako throughout the show.

Current Items

These are items currently within Taako's possession as of the most recent episode. (Most are probably stolen.)

Item	Episode Acquired	Item Type	Notes
Short Sword	1	Weapon
Pickaxe		Weapon
Adventurer's Kit	1	Standard	For sale. Adventurer's kit. Never used.
Seven Habits of Highly Effective Elves	1	Document	Record of Taako's life so far
Uncle John's Elven Bathroom Reader	1	Document	Spell book
Bracer of Balance (and Bracer Brush)	9	Magical Artifact	On Taako's left arm
Ring of Frost	9	Magical Artifact; Jewelry	From Fantasy Gatchapon machine; makes beverages frosty and refreshing; defends against frost damage
Unlimited Pasta Pass	9	Food/Drink	Purchased for 100GP from Fantasy Costco; only applies to Olive Garden
Wand of Switcheroo	9	Magical Artifact	Purchased for 300GP from Fantasy Costco; switches users' place with another person or item of similar mass
Port Wand	16	Magical Artifact	Originally belonging to Jenkins. Was eaten by Umbra Staff.
Briefcase	16	Trinket	Found in Cryptsafe
Pocket Spa	17	Enchanted/Haunted Item	Purchased from Fantasy Costco. Pocket dimension perfect for rest and relaxation. Get away from it all!
Maarvey's Stun Baton	23	Weapon	Don't use it on zoo animals
Mongoose Mask	23	Armor/Clothing	Given to Taako by Hurley
Small bottle of Silverpoint poison	27	Food and Drink	Taken from Capt. Captain Bain after death
Cloak of the Manta Ray	28	Armor/Clothing; Enchanted/Haunted Item	A slick, black leather cloak that grants the wearer a +1 to AC. When the wearer in submerged in water, it grants the wearer +2 AC instead, grants water breathing, and allows 60ft of underwater movement speed.
Immovable Rod	28	Tool	Stays in one place
Music Box	29	Trinket	Johann's mixtape
Whetstone	29	Tool	Gift from Killian; shaped like a duck
Airplane bottles of booze	29	Food/Drink	Gift from Avi
"Caleb Cleveland, Kid Cop" Book	29	Document	Gift from Angus
Potty Chair	29	Trinket	Gift from Magnus
Iron-on badge copy	29	Armor/Clothing	Dark blue circles, iron on; twelve circles around the outside; unreadable language in the center; comes with note that reads "For Your Eyes Only"
Maureen's Core	39	Trinket	Contains Maureen's prophecy
Hole Thrower	40	Tool	Throws a hole with 1 d10 diameter into any non-living object once per day
Mockingbird Gum	40	Food/Drink; Enchanted/Haunted Item	Allows player to mimic voice for an hour or so
Arcane Trickster's Glove	40	Enchanted/Haunted Item; Clothing	Turns Mage Hand invisible
Low Sodium Salt Shaker	40	Food and Drink	Sprinkle on food, if it turns pink, the food is poisoned
Bag of Necessity	47	Magical Artifact	Gift of Istus; contains his stagecoach
Band of Projected Thought	50	Jewelry	Communicate telepathically with any creature inside of 3T0 ft
Rickle Axager's Guide to Adventuring 3rd Ed.	50	Document	Once per day, read section on skill check and have advantage on it for next 24 hours
The KrEbStAr	66	Weapon	A casting glaive created by Taako himself; Imbued with Mulligan's Blessing, which means if a spell attack misses, no spell slots will be spent.

Former Items

These are items which were lost or given away.

Item	Episode acquired	Episode Lost	Item Type	Notes
Healing Potion	1	3	Magical Artifact	Used to heal Barry Bluejeans
Wand	1	8 (55)	Magical Artifact; Weapon	Broken in fight w/ Ogres . It was repaired sometime between episodes. Given to Cam .
MB's fire-shooting droid arm	6	37	Gift	Given to Taako after defeating Magic Brian; later given to NO-3113
Ring of Pointing	9	50	Jewelry	200GP from Fantasy Costco; casts a small red dot on an object ring is pointed at (laser pointer); sold back to Fantasy Costco
Stone of Far Speech	9	57	Tool; Weapon	Gifted from Magnus to Taako; Fantasy walkie-talkie. Destroyed by Barry Bluejeans.
Silverware set	16	17 / 29	Trinket	Found in cryptsafe; sold, bartered or gifted away over time; gave three forks to Angus, sold some to Fantasy Costco
Golden Tiara	16	17	Trinket	Found on in cryptsafe, Sold to Fantasy Costco
Gustmaster 5000	17	28 / 49	Magical Artifact	Fan; produces gust of wind; given to Ren in "Eleventh Hour" arc (or sold back to Garfield in ep. 28)
Hammerhead Uniform (and Booth Key)	22	22	Armor/Clothing	Disguises stolen from sleeping Hammerhead gang members
Safety Harness	23	23	Armor/Clothing	Thrown off of battle wagon while Taako was in the thrall of a "dominate mind" sphere
Anti-Gravity Sphere	28	28	Magical Artifact; Weapon	An anti-gravity grenade; thrown at the Jenkins/MB bot
Macarons/ Macaroons	29	29	Gift	Macaroooooon?
The Slicer of T'pire Weir Isles	50	50	Trinket	purchased from Fantasy Costco, then immediately traded back for something of higher value.
Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword Of Doom	50	59	Magical Artifact; Weapon	Traded by Taako for the Slicer of T'pire Weir Isles; bound to Sapphire and left in Fantasy Costco Back Room for Magnus. Fashion, Baby!
Umbra Staff	5	67	Weapon	Created by the Umbra Wizards and found in the cave; consumes the powers of the wizards you have defeated in combat (including Jenkins's wand); Destroyed to release Lup.
Plastic Sheriff's Badge	28	68	Trinket; Enchanted/Haunted Item	Gives user a false authority on bluff rolls; Given to Angus who gave it to Merle.

Stolen Items

Taako has a propensity for stealing items. These are the items he has stolen so far.

• Gold and Silver pieces (taken from a dead gerblin; he ended up splitting them with the rest of the party)
• Sack full of Golden Teeth (stolen from Yeemick's corpse, another gerblin)
• Magic Boots of Striding and Springing (stolen from Thardin's corpse, later given to Magnus)
• 320 Gold (stolen from a lock box)
• Enchanted feather duster (stolen from Killian)
• Bag of coins (stolen from Davenport)
• Golden tiara (stolen from empty train car, later sold to Fantasy Costco)
• Silver serving set (originally belonging to Angus, stolen from empty train car, gave 3 forks back to Angus, sold the rest to Fantasy Costco)
• Briefcase (stolen from empty train car)
• Stun baton (stolen from an unconscious and stunned Maarvey)
• Kravitz's heart

Known Physical Traits

Disclaimer: The McElroys do not consider their versions of their characters any more "canon" than anyone else's - there is no obligation to stick to these in fanart, so please do not be rude to people for ignoring these traits.

Trait	Episode Mentioned / Introduced
Long Hair	Episode 1, TAZ Live Halloween Special (hair long enough to put into a ponytail)
Flaxen Hair	Episode 1 (Implied when the trait is mentioned as being in Taako's book Seven Habits of Highly Effective Elves at the time that it is also implied he has long hair) Exact words were "Flaxen Do'"
Slight Build	Episode 17
About as tall as Magnus	Episode 17
Ethereally, femininely beautiful	Episode 55
No facial hair	Griffin mentions that elves don't grow facial hair in Episode 11 and Episode 51
Pointed hat (Two feet high)	MaxFunCon East Live Show

Official Outfits

Usually, Taako is dressed as a typical elf wizard in fresh as hell threads.

Outfit Name	Description	Arc Used
The Mongoose	Taako takes on the racing persona of the Mongoose, complete with mask.	Petals to the Metal
Safety First	Everyone, even Steven, gets a null suit to counteract the crystallization of Lucas's lab.	Crystal Kingdom
Skirt time	Taako visits Fantasy Costco and gets a skirt. Length: flirty. Color: mauve (salmon suggested by Garfield the Deals Warlock).	The Eleventh Hour
Tuff Greg	Taako takes on the wrestling persona of Tuff Greg. He's dressed exactly like a member of the crew of Chaos Stadium.	The Live Boston Stunt Spectacular
IPRE uniforms	Taako chooses both the jacket and the robe. The Institute of Planar Research and Exploration uniforms are "crisp and bright red" with the the institute logo on the left breast pocket.	The Stolen Century
Santa's Little Helper	Taako is given the role and appearance of one of Santa's elves after the boys accidentally murder the original Santa Claus.	Candlenights in Tacoma

Deaths and Major Injuries

Taako has died and been knocked unconscious a number of times throughout the show.

Unconscious Count

Taako has been knocked unconscious five times.

1. Knocked unconscious by Magic Brian during a wizard duel in Wave Echo Cave.
2. Knocked unconscious by Sloane in the Goldcliff bank.
3. Knocked unconscious by Kravitz's crystal bomb in Lucas' Lab.
4. Knocked unconscious by Lydia in Wonderland.
5. Knocked unconscious by Final John in Episode 69, before being revived by Pan.

Death Count

Taako has died a total of nineteen times.

1. While he was traveling through other planes as a Red Robe, Taako died eight times without crossing over to the Astral Plane.
   1. Killed by the Justices in the 65th cycle.
2. Taako died a total of eleven times during the events of The Eleventh Hour.

Quotes

• "Hail and well met, my dudes."
• "Abra-ca fuck you!"
• "I'm Mike Myers as Lorne Michaels having a stroke!"
• "Between the fan and the fancy umbrella, I'm one 17 inch waist away from Scarlett O'Hara."
• "Taako's good out here!"
• "How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something, but to be someone."
• "Be who you are and say how you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
• "Don't look for society to give you permission to be yourself."
• "Where's your will to be weird?"
• "Some people say you're going the wrong way when its simply a way of your own."
• "Nothing makes one feel so strong as a call for help."
• "The highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

Trivia

• Due to a magical accident with his first spell, everything he drinks tastes like key lime Go-Gurt.
• Taako has seen Magnus's ass sometime between the Craig's List Ad and the Here There Be Gerblins arc.
• While living in the dorms, Taako took the top bunk (above Magnus). He wears footie pajamas and sleeps in a sleeping sack due to his night terrors.
• Prior to their adventure in Goldcliff, Taako had never been in a garage before.
• The animal that most characterizes his state of being is a mongoose.
• Taako's favorite candy is Ferrero Rocher.
• Taako avoids cooking for people he cares about because he is afraid of poisoning them, a fear coming from the poisoning that happened when his TV show, Sizzle It Up! with Taako, was still live.
• Taako enjoys fishing.
• Despite referring to the sweets he made for everyone during Candlenights as "macaroons," Taako's description of the ingredients used suggests he actually made macarons, which are almond-based unlike macaroons (coconut-based.) It is unclear if Taako is calling macarons "macaroons" (a common error) or if Justin does not know the pronunciation difference.
• All of Taako's spells are exquisite.
• Although the fandom has largely accepted Taako’s last name as “Taaco,” this was never actually canonized, and is just a joke Travis once made. Taako doesn't have a canonical last name.
  • This may, however, be interpreted to be canonical, as the characters later say in episode one of Rockport.

    Davenport: "Would the Reclaimers Highchurch, Burnsides, and Taaco report to the briefing room? Mm Davenport!"

    Travis: "I forgot that Taako’s last name was also Taaco." [laughs]

• Taako may be a vegetarian. He tells Magic Brian he is one, though it's unclear if he was messing with him (since he also alludes to eating meat in other instances) or if Justin just forgot.
• Despite being supposedly allergic to peanuts, he eats Reeses' Peanut Butter Cups.
• Taako invented surfing after getting the idea from seeing a gift Merle made for Magnus get thrown into the ocean, and watching it ride the waves.
• The taco that Joaquin teaches Taako to make is a picadillo taco.
• Taako was the one to figure out how to defeat The Hunger and save everyone.