| “ | Can our heroes survive a most treacherous job interview? I see myself in five years in... the Adventure Zone! | ” |
—The Announcer
Synopsis[]
Full transcript available here.
Now that they can finally understand like, anything that anybody important is saying, our heroes seek employment in the Bureau of Balance. Merle brags about how smart he is. Taako accidentally encounters some life-changing intel. Magnus does horrible, horrible things to an automaton.
Meet the Director[]
The gang enters the Director's office/throne room to present her with the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet. She calls Davenport forth to present the boys with payment. Magnus asks to be present while the Gauntlet is destroyed so he may confirm it. The Director explains that it would be too difficult and dangerous.
Taako asks her to describe more about the Bureau of Balance before they hand it over, explaining that the Gauntlet makes ouchies.
The Director gives a brief description of the Bureau, explaining that it is a disarmament organization with a mission to find and destroy weapons such as this one. Satisfied, Taako plops the gauntlet into a container carried by a guard. The container is a heavy lead ball with a circular window.
Destroy! That! Relic![]
The guard wheels the cart with the container into the Cerebro chamber, placing the container down on the floor. The Director invites the boys to look over as she taps on the glass with her staff, causing bolts of pure white light to shoot out of the walls and stab through the sphere. It's very bright and lasts for about a minute. The ball very slowly floats down to the floor.
That's one spicy meatball![]
The guard picks up the sphere (which is very hot) and places it back on the cart. Rolling it back into the room, he says, "That's-a one spicy meatball," giving Taako the concept of spicy meat.
They get paid 600GP for bringing back the gauntlet. The Director looks over the moon, explaining that the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet was one of the worst weapons in the world, and explains the Grand Relics, and describes the mission of the entire Bureau of Balance and describes deleting the memories of the Grand Relics from the entire realm.
You're hired![]
The Director describes the main functions of each role at the Bureau of Balance (Reclaimer, Regulator, Seeker), and offers the three a job as Reclaimers, but does mention that there will be a test. It's not written but does have different roles for the strongest, smartest, and bravest. After much deliberation, it's decided that Magnus is the strongest, Taako is the bravest, and Merle is the smartest (by default).
The Director taps her staff, and the three are unconscious.
The Test![]
They all wake up at the same time. Taako wakes up on the floor of the arena. Merle wakes up strapped into a cannon. Magnus is on a skybridge next to a red no-no button.
Merle is equipped with potions. He can fire two per turn, or focus and have advantage. The potions are healing, hurting, strengthen, and aggro. Taako is tasked with retrieving three gemstones from various parts of the ogres' persons. Each gem Taako collects will reload Merle's ammo. Magnus must use his strength to fight off robots trying to press the button.
The blue ogre is the babiest. The green ogre is the middlest[1] and the red ogre is the oldest (biggest).
Magnus begins as the doorways slide open revealing two automata. He readies an action. Taako runs away. Merle shoots the aggro potion at the red ogre. The fight proceeds! Interesting points: this marks the first time Magnus rips an arm off a robot. (It's brutal.)
Something in Taako's bag is moving and getting warm. It's not a raccoon, it's the Umbra Staff, which shoots out some dope Magic Missiles to cap off the episode!
The Money Zone[]
Sponsored by Crunchyroll.
Featured NPCs[]
- The Director
- Davenport
- Some ogres
Featured Locations[]
Quotes[]
Naught but a...[]
- 7:42 TAAKO: Listen, listen. I'm but a simple idiot wizard. Um, could you tell us a bit-
- 7:47 THE DIRECTOR: Oh, don't sell yourself short.
- 7:49 MAGNUS: No, he's not, it's pretty accurate.
- 7:50 TAAKO: No, I appreciate it, but I'm comfortable with where I'm at. I'm just standing in my truth here. Can you tell us more about your organization before we just hand it [the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet] over? It's really scary and it makes ouchies. When you touch it, I mean! Ouchies!
References[]
- ↑ "He's the handsomest!" says Travis.