Are you a MaxFunDrive donor, or a MaxFunDrive boner? Time to make up your mind, as you enter the Adventure Zone!

—The Announcer

Synopsis Edit

Full transcript available here.

Our heroes attempt to make the best out of a swampy situation, and race to Rockport before they miss a fateful train. They also meet a beloved radio personality and spokesperson, and hold him ransom for MaxFunDrive donations. Magnus exhibits his upper body strength. Taako gets charming. Merle takes a stink-bath.

Leech Fight: Round 2 Edit

The Tres Horny Boys are still stuck in a swamp and have managed to take out one of the leeches surrounding them. One of the remaining two moves towards Magnus, and attempts to spray him with a stinky, yellow fluid. Magnus rolls a 17 and manages to avoid the fluid. Next up is the leech who Merle thorn-whipped, who bites into Merle, and drains about a pint and a half of his blood. Taako casts Thunder Wave on both of the leeches. The leech that drained Merle's blood is bloodied, but the spell does only half damage to the other one. Merle, unable to do the cool melee attack he wanted to do due to being waist-deep in swamp mud, casts Sacred Flame on the leech that bit him.
MERLE: Eat me!
Unfortunately, it only does 2 damage, basically giving it a mild sunburn. The rest of Merle's body then sinks into the mud, and, unable to breathe mud, starts suffering poison damage. Magnus, who was standing on the stump of the fallen tree from the last episode, instantly jumps back into the swamp to save Merle. After doing so, the two leeches begin to attack both Magnus and Taako. Once again, one of them spews yellow fluid at Magnus, but, unlike last time, Magnus is unable to dodge. The fluid wraps around Magnus and restrains him in a web-like substance.

Meanwhile, the other leech chows down on Taako. Taako, having none of this, casts Levitate on himself and begins to ascend out of the swamp. Merle, now outside of the swamp, decides to do things the old-fashioned way and smushes the bloodied leech with his warhammer. Magnus manages to bloody the remaining leech with Railsplitter, but is unable to free himself from the fluid wrapped around him. The leech tries to bite into Magnus and recover some health but is unable beat his AC. Magnus uses Riposte, which allows him to do a melee attack if his attacker misses theirs, and swings his Railsplitter at the leech, chopping it in half and sending half its body far, far away from them.

[Money Zone]

He'll Leave The Light On For You Edit

Having solved Griffin's Shrek puzzle, the boys finally manage to get to Rockport. After taking a look at some of its scenic attractions, they finally find somebody to help them clean up. And that person is none other than beloved radio darling, Tom Bodett. Tom Bodett sprays down the boys with his hose, and, as thanks, Taako mends closed the holes in it. Tom Bodett points out that he also has a sprinkler and they have a 10-minute sprinkler party.

After having some fun in the sun, the boys make it to the Rockport train station, where they meet the ticket-taker, who is also Tom Bodett. He asks for their names: Merle's name is Leeman Kessler, Taako's name is Justin, and Magnus's name is Diddly Kessler. Unfortunately, Tom's not buying it, so Taako casts Charm Person on him. Tom, now totally cool with these people who are definitely who they say they are, shows them through the Rockport Limited. He leads them through the cargo cars to the cryptsafe where, unbeknownst to Tom, the Grand Relic is being kept. He explains that the crypt-safe can only be opened by the physical touch of a Rockport Limited employee. Knowing that, once the spell wears off, Tom will not be happy about being charmed, Merle tells him to step in front of the next oncoming train. Magnus and Taako instantly object to this, and, after some arguing, Merle settles for just having Tom step in front of a non-moving train, and wave goodbye to it.

[Theme Tune Plays]

The Money Zone Edit


Featured NPCs Edit

Featured Locations Edit

Quotes Edit

I Believe I Can Fly Edit

JUSTIN: Can I walk?
GRIFFIN: You can’t. You can try to pull yourself out, but you can’t move.
MAGNUS: Grab on to my waist-belt! Pull yourself up from my groin!!
TAAKO: No, it’s okay, I’ll just levitate. I’m cool, thanks.
JUSTIN: I levitate.
GRIFFIN: [laughs] Oh-kay? Is that a… I don’t… is that a thing you can do?
JUSTIN: Yeah, it’s a second level transmutation magic. I just… float.
GRIFFIN: Mmkay. You… float.
JUSTIN: I mean, that’s the whole…
CLINT: [sings Float On Harvest Moon, or some other old song reference that young people don’t understand]
GRIFFIN: The swamp almost opens up around you, like a, like an open mouth, and allows you to squoosh up, and for now you are now straight up, uh, levitating.
TRAVIS: And, for half a second, leech and adventurer alike all turn, mouth agape, to stare at the glory of floating Taako.

The Worst Sesame Street Character Edit

GRIFFIN: You’re also rolling up into Rockport, uh- uh, Magnus you are covered in a stinky yellow, uh, goo, uh that uh, dried up so uh it isn’t really restricting you anymore but it is unsightly, and un-stink-ly. Uh... Taako, you are just sort of crusty from the waist down, with uh, with swampy, uh, goo that you’ve been unable to rinse off your body. Dad, you look like some sort of weird... shit-monster, uh, who is just caked in-- in swamp--
JUSTIN: And your character in this game…
GRIFFIN: [laughs]
CLINT: Yeah you said Dad! Uh, great…
GRIFFIN: Merle is absolutely clean.
CLINT: Everybody else was their character.

References Edit