Ep. 47: The Eleventh Hour - Chapter Seven/Transcript

Transcript by the lovely volunteers at TAZscripts.

Griffin: Previously, on The Adventure Zone:

[Theme music begins playing in the background]

Griffin: There is some kind of force field. And it’s surrounding the only other door in this room on the opposite end of the pit that you’re currently standing over.



Griffin: There is a skeleton.



Griffin: Isaak’s next-to-last entry in Isaak’s journal reads:



Griffin: Roswell says,



{1:33}

Travis: All right, I have an idea, fellas. Go with - Go with me on this. [noise of soda can opening]

Griffin: Okay.



[Clint laughs]

Justin: That’s good, that’s very good.

Travis: I thought maybe that might work.

Clint: Forty-five seconds in, done.



Griffin: You are in that moment right after what just happened at the end of the last episode. You now know Roswell’s command word. It is 11:53. You’re still at the end of that same loop, and the clay has been cleaned up, pulled back into Roswell’s form. Merle and Magnus, you’ve both sort of recovered. And yeah, it’s 11:53 and Redmond finally walks into the bank, and that elf

wizard is with him. And they’re holding the lockbox that had that big bomb in it. They both kind of nervously look at Roswell as they walk in but don’t- aren’t- don’t seem too afraid of them because Roswell’s not now attacking anybody.

Travis: No, everyone’s being cool. We’re all being little fantasy Fonzies.

Griffin: Everyone’s being really cool, and Redmond says,



Griffin: Redmond sends the elf that’s with him into the vault to poke around, look around. Redmond says,



[crosstalk; all of Tres Horny Boys disagree]



Griffin: Okay, okay. Roswell says,



Griffin: And kind of just bear-hugs Redmond. And Redmond’s like,

Clint: Give him a backrub!



Griffin: Okay, and Roswell is now sort of- Roswell says,



Griffin: And he walks-



Clint: Clunk!

Griffin: Yeah, kinda fireman-carries him out of the building and does bonk his head on the side of the door as Roswell carries Redmond out of the bank. It’s 11:54.



Justin: Griffin, can you roll to see if him bonking his head killed him? [Travis laughs]

Griffin: No, it was--I actually rolled a critical miss, so the bank falls down, I guess. I think that’s how it works.

Clint: [laughs] It’s going to.

Justin: That’s a bad bank.

Griffin: Uh, yeah. It’s 11:54. Your--you actually see Horsey, Magnus, the horse that you stole, essentially, during the last episode--runs up through the woods and kind of goes to the water trough in front of the sheriff’s office where it was before.

Travis: All right, so do we want to horse-and-Garyl this?

Justin: That’s like a high-level spell slot.

Griffin: It’s 11:55.

Travis: You’ve got fucking five minutes! Hold on, I’ll take Redmond and Horsey. Merle and Taako, you do Garyl.

Clint: Oh, no no no. Not after last week. No, nuh-uh, I’m not putting up with that Garyl horseshit.

Griffin: I’m pretty sure you rode on the other horse last week.

Clint: I did! I know, but last week Garyl called me dense and fat and heavy.

Travis: Okay well, how fast is Roswell, Griffin?

Griffin: Um, not the fastest.

Travis: Okay.

Justin: I’ve summoned, uh, I’ve summoned Garyl.

Clint: [quietly] Oh shit.



Griffin: Uh--



Travis: [laughing]

Griffin: Uh, Redmond, is like down to go with you and help you out, he doesn’t need to be restrained.

Travis: Okay. He does have to be little spoon though and ride in front of me. I don’t trust him.

Griffin: He says, uh,



Griffin: And uh, little spoons on ya. And uh yeah, you ride up the, uh, the path up the side of the plateau to the west of town, and you get to the cave at that plateau, and it’s about 11:57 [Justin: Shit.] as you make your way inside and dismount and run into the cave. And as soon as you do you see Luca, the skeleton brother, and uh seeing that Redmond is in the cave they sorta don’t do their - he doesn’t do his act of pretending to be dead, and he says:



[chorus of the boys repeating “brother!” like “bruhtha!” and laughing]



Griffin: And Redmond says, uh,



Griffin: And Luca says,



Justin: Do it again. Do it again. Take that whole conversation again. Take it from the top --



Justin: We’re wasting time.



Griffin: Unfortunately, that was the time that I needed to blow up the town. And let that be a lesson to you now, Dad. If you don’t use your character voice [Travis: People die!] then the apocalypse happens.

Clint: [dramatically] People die!

[Justin laughing]

Griffin: No, you manage to get Luca out in time and you--I think all of you just sprint the short distance from the cave to the temple and it’s 11:59 and Redmond rolls out a little mat in front of the fallen temple and the two brothers get on their knees and they place their hands together and they start to do this prayer. And they say,



Griffin: And like, as soon as they say “raise this temple,” it starts to like rebuild itself in a hurry and it starts to de-age, if that’s a--if that’s a verb. It starts to young-ify. And the walls sort of rebuild themselves. You see the curtains that were laying on the ground, they just sort of lift themselves into the air and they snap perfectly over the windows-

Travis: Griffin, I would like to do a carpentry check to see if I’m impressed by how it’s building itself.

[laughter]

Griffin: Yeah, sure.

Travis: I never get to use that skill.

Griffin: I mean, that’s not a skill per se. Okay.

Travis: [dice rolling] Alright, that’s an eighteen! And I think I add ten cuz I’m super good at--

Griffin: You add a hundred to that, yeah. No, yeah, it’s super impressive. I mean, you can also tell that, like, this thing was built pretty well for the limited resources that were available to whoever built it.

Clint: Praise Istus!

Griffin: And the steeple starts to right itself, sort of casting a shadow over your party and as it’s rebuilding itself you hear the clock start to chime behind you. And the final piece, those two double doors facing the town, they snap into their frame right as you hear that anguished roar coming from the purple worm. And from your vantage point, you see the city of Refuge start to buckle and collapse in on itself, and the double doors swing open and you hear a voice beckoning you from within.

Travis: I go. Magnus rushes in!

Griffin: Kay.

Justin: This is one instance in which Taako is not good out here. Taako will follow.

[The Temple of Istus starts to play in the background]

Griffin: Okay. As you’re running in, the two brothers, who still have their eyes closed and heads bowed in prayer, are just like



Travis: And I turn back and like,



Griffin: Merle, are you rushing in as well?

Clint: I-- yeah, peace out. I’m gone.

Griffin: Okay, yeah. All three of you run into the temple and you do so as, like, that explosion was coming. But as soon as you cross through the threshold of the door, there is no explosion, there is no calamity. And when you look back through the open doors you can see the two brothers still kneeling but they’re, like, backlit by fire.

But in here, inside the temple it’s completely still. You see the rows of pews lining an aisle leading up to a fairly humble pulpit. Behind that is a tapestry showing a city of happy, busy people all nestled in the embrace of a beautiful woman with long, flowing, white hair. And that woman is in front of you, in the flesh.



Griffin: Or whatever gods are made of. And as you call out to her, she looks up from -- she’s knitting something as she sort of sits on the steps leading up to the pulpit. And she looks up and says,



Griffin: Well, let me do a voice.

Travis: Yeah, please, come on. Set a standard for the rest of us.

Griffin: She says,



Griffin: And she puts her knitting down. And the three of you are standing before an actual, literal goddess. What do you do?



Griffin: She kind of laughs and sort of runs her hand through her hair which is like, it’s kind of shimmering silver with like a tinge of blue. And she says,



[Justin laughing]

Griffin: She says--

Travis: I’ve got Rustic Hospitality coming out of my ass! Everybody loves Magnus!

Griffin: How--I wanna ask the question, how the three of you--because you’ve never--I want to impress upon you, you’re standing in front of a deity, and I don’t think that’s happened to any of you before, and I just wanna know how that treats you.

Travis: I would say that Magnus is not religious, but he’s very spiritual.

Griffin: [laughing] Okay.

Justin: Taako doesn’t get the appeal. I mean, they can do magic, he can do magic. He feels like they’re just about equal.

Griffin: Okay.

Clint: Merle’s rocked to his very core.

Griffin: Alright, good.

Travis: You have a hand from a god!

Clint: Well, yeah, oh gosh, thanks for the wood hand, God!

[Griffin laughs]

Travis: But I’m saying like, this isn’t the first divine proof you have received. [pronounced like receiv-ed]

Clint: Well, maybe I’m looking for a better deal!

Travis: Keep that on the DL.

Clint: Yep. [Whispering] Better deal!

Justin: Yup.

Griffin: Istus beckons all of you to come in through the entryway and motions for you to sit down in the front row of pews and have a chat with her. And she says,



Griffin: She says.



Clint: That’s Taako!

Travis: So you get Taako, baby!



Travis: Which season you get?



Griffin: She uh, she uh, she says, uh -



Griffin: And she reaches into this white tunic that she’s wearing and she pulls out a small pair of scissors? And she cuts a loose string out of the scarf that she’s knitting - and but she does it in kind of a vaguely intimidating way? And that string falls to the floor. And she tucks the scissors back -

Justin: Alright, Taako’s appropriately intimidated.

Griffin: Okay. Um. She says, um-

Justin: Nah, I’m gonna need- have her make an intimidation check.

[laughter]

Griffin: Okay. [rolls dice] Uh, 19? I don’t know what I’m rolling against there.

Justin: Ahhh, let’s just say that probably did the job.

Clint: Yeah, he’s intimidated.

Griffin: Um. She says, uh, she puts her knitting down again and she says-



[crosstalk “Oh!”]



Griffin: - she says and smiles.



Travis: I stick my hand out.



Travis: I keep my hand out.

Clint: We really ought to have our lawyers look at this.



Travis: I go for a high five instead!



Travis: I put my hand down, but I high five myself quietly.

Griffin: She says uh--



[Clint sighs]



[laughter]



Griffin: Okay, um, she sort of, she--how would she do the--Okay, she knits, she pulls out a new colour of thread from her tunic, and knits it into this scarf. Which you now see like, it doesn’t end, it just kind of fades into maybe another plane, or something like that.

Griffin: What you can see is already a very long scarf and she knits this new thread into it, and as she does, these three sigils of Istus appear in front of you--floating in front of you, and they're the same sigils that you've seen the two brothers were wearing, and you saw some of this sort of symbolism--I mean, God, you can see it in this temple whenever you look around you, and it’s kind of a circular symbol with a needle in its centre, with sort of strings represented by these little brass lines that wrap around the needle and the symbol as a whole, and they are essentially little pendants that are floating in front of each of you, one apiece.

Travis: I take it!

Griffin: Okay. As you take them she says,



Griffin: She says,



Griffin: And she knits something into the scarf and in front of you, Merle, a small, about tennis ball sized orb appears and inside of it looks like there’s a sandstorm brewing in it. Light coloured sand swirls with these golden flecks that sort of shine light across your face as you look into this orb and she says,



Griffin: -she says.

Clint: Awesome.

Griffin: So, yeah you have this--

Clint: I stare at it--I stare at it and I say,



Griffin: It is pretty beautiful.

Travis: I wonder how long before Merle forgets he has that?

Clint: Has what?

Travis: Yup.

Griffin: You, yeah--[laughs] fantastic. She says,



Griffin: -and knits something into the scarf and a small brown bag appears in front of you, and it’s cinched with a golden thread and that thread is bound together with a knot which is threaded into this golden glowing lock. And she says,



Travis: It’s a magic bag!



Griffin: As you sort of grab the bag, you actually do feel a weight inside of it. So something is in there that’s not just fucking courage.

Travis: Like a weight set?

Griffin: No, it’s not just, like, a weight set.

Travis: For Taako to get buff?

Justin: Okay do I--is it like an ambiguous just, like, weight to it, or do I have a feeling there is a solid concrete object in the--obviously not concrete, but there is a physical object in there?

Griffin: There is a physical object in there.

Justin: The nature of which would not change if I were to remove it like now, or in three days or whatever?

Griffin: The nature of this bag is that you would not be able to remove it until you most needed it, hence the golden glowing lock on it.

Justin: Okay, good.

Griffin: Kind of a Schrödinger’s bag.

Justin: I love it. I put it in my most special pocket, my armpit pocket.

Griffin: [laughing] Okay.

Clint: Is that your best?

Justin: That's my best one. That’s the--nobody ever thinks to look there.

Clint: Mhmm. No.

Griffin: And Istus says,



Griffin: She looks up and above you and looks down back at you and she says,



Griffin: And I actually want you, Magnus, to make a dexterity saving throw and go ahead and add your--

Travis: [rolls dice] That's a nat 20!

Griffin: Is it really?

Travis: It really is.

Griffin: Okay. It’s an inconsequential one, it’s a swag roll if anything, but from behind you hear a crash, and as you look to see what it was you realise that the clock has fallen out of the steeple and into this main sanctuary space and crashed right by the front door and after the debris settles, the pile starts to rattle. It rattles for a bit and then something comes flying out of it and you recognise it as the minute hand of that clock, which arcs high through the air, and then you just fucking reach one hand up and grab it and claim it and now that it--

Travis: Oh, I Grayskull the shit out of that!

Griffin: Yeah, and now that it’s been restored you can really appreciate the craftsmanship of this minute hand. It’s this woven light metal, you think maybe mithril, and it ends in a razor sharp point and the metal comes together to form a really long, straight base which you can--you could easily get a nice grip on. And for all intents and purposes, it’s basically a spear.

Travis: Nice!

Griffin: And she says,



Griffin: And as you look around the wall--the front wall of the temple is actually starting to buckle a little bit.

Travis: Okay, I heft the spear and do as the lady asks.

Griffin: Alright, yeah, you chuck the spear and it sticks into the wooden panel of the pulpit and she says,



[Travis gasps]



Griffin: The spear reverses its path in time, reversing the path it just flew, arriving back in your hand, but the damage that it did to the pulpit is still there.

Travis: That’s awesome.

Griffin: She says,



Griffin: And then she reaches into her tunic and pulls out a couple of threads and for like fifteen seconds, she's just furiously knitting these into this scarf and then she says,



Griffin: And the wall behind you has started to buckle a little bit more. You actually can’t see the brothers anymore outside of the door. She says,



Griffin: And then she just disappears for like a couple of seconds and when she reappears she is wiping a tear from her eye and she says,

[“Temple of Istus” begins playing in the background]



Griffin: And then the building comes down.

[Background music continues]

{30:19}

[Commercial break]

[Background music resumes]

{38:52}

Clint: Aw.

Justin: So, check this: The Chance Lance.

Travis: Oh yeah!

Justin: What do you think about that?

Travis: I like that a lot.

Griffin: Yeah, you can call it what you wanna call it. I had it labelled as the Minute Hand but obviously it’s your purview.

Clint: I’m gonna call my ball “Nine Seconds in Heaven.”

Griffin: Okay, that’s good.

[Justin laughs]

Justin: Mine’s just my sack.

[Travis laughs]

Clint: Yeah, so, we got a ball, a sack, and a tool.

[Justin laughs]

Travis: We did it!

Justin: Wait a minute!

Clint: That’s true! A ball, a sack, and a tool!

Travis: Everything is gross in DnD, everything is gross here.

Griffin: Um, yeah, so, do you guys feel like you understand the stuff that you got? Magnus, basically you got a spear that is a +1 spear.

Justin: A spear?

Griffin: Yeah.

Justin: I feel like it’s the Chance Lance.

Travis: [mumbling] I’m pretty sure it’s the Chance Lance.

Griffin: Okay, the Chance Lance. The Chance Lance, yeah, it’s +1, it’s basically the same stats as, uh, actually it’s probably a d8 damage not d10 like your axe but you can throw it and recall it, is the cool thing you can do with that, and it will pop those bubbles.

Travis: Will it pop any bubble?

[Justin laughs]

Travis: Is this a magic bubble popping lance, Griffin, or is there specific to-

Justin: I would say it statistically pops most bubbles.

Griffin: No it doesn't--the enchantment pops these time bubbles--

Travis: Okay.

Griffin: So if someone puts up a magic barrier around themselves it won’t necessarily bring that down.

Travis: What if they put a soap bubble up around them?

Griffin: I mean it will pop that, yeah, it is a very sharp spear.

Travis: Nice. I’m gonna write down “pops most bubbles.”

Clint: In clinical testing.

Travis: Yeah. Five out of six doctors agree, will pop bubbles.

Griffin: So you've just died again and you're back in the white space, and the old woman is still lying on the ground. And the good news is that you can see that she is breathing, the bad news is the reason that you can see that is because she is so withered up in the yellow sundress that she is wearing, that you can see her breathing, like, very clearly it’s not great, she looks like a hundred and forty years old.

Travis: Griffin, in the half a second that we're there, is there anything we can see in the room? Anything about the room, any characteristics?

Griffin: You think you hear music. That’s it.

Travis: But we can’t, like, see the room?

Griffin: No, it’s, like, fa--it’s completely faded out white.

Travis: Cool.

Griffin: Yeah. And you wake up! And you're in front of Roswell and you're in front of Refuge and sure enough you are armed still with your gifts from Istus.



Griffin: And Roswell stands to attention--



Clint: And I’m ready with the sound effect!

Travis: Okay, cool, great.

Justin: Oh, this is good. This'll be good to watch with my eyes.

[laughter]

Travis: This--good synergy of a plan.

Griffin: Okay, you head over to the large well. Uh, make a perc--



Griffin: Okay, Roswell says "Okay, you got it" and hol--do you have a rope? You probably do.

Travis: Yeah.



Justin: We don’t need a rope, we got the Umbra Staff, we're good.

Griffin: Okay, what does the Umbra--oh, you have group slowfall.

Travis: Well, but the rope will let us get back out quickly, too.

Justin: Okay, that’s fine, if you guys wanna rely on ropes, gravity’s not really, like, a thing for me but if you wanna throw a rope down that’s fine. I won’t be using the rope.

Clint: Do you think we should pop the bubble before we jump down?

Griffin: The bubble’s kind of at the bottom of the well. I was mainly asking--you guys mentioned a few things there. I don’t know how the three of you are actually getting down.

Justin: I’m not going first, but if you guys wanna do the- that thing, the rope thing, feel free.

Travis: Sure.

Griffin: Roswell holds onto the rope and it is really, really, you know--they're holding it tight and it's sturdy.

Justin: You're gonna leave them out here? We’re gonna leave them out here? Shouldn’t we have them come down with us?

Travis: Huh. That’s a good point. Sure, yeah, you know what, you’re right.

Justin: I mean we can tie a rope, like, we can do that.

[Travis & Griffin laugh]

Justin: Like, this is a bad use of resources.

Travis: Yeah, let’s do what you said.

Justin: I’ve got a tank that I’m gonna use to press my robes, make 'em look all crisp and nice.

Griffin: Okay, so how are you getting down, are you tying the rope off to--I mean, it’s near the exterior fence of town so there is a thing you could tie it to, or you could do some other way of getting down the well.

Travis: Yeah, that’s good, we'll tie it off.

Griffin: Okay, yeah you tie it off and you have this length of rope that goes down into the well.

Travis: We'll climb down; I’ll go first because we've got that there Bublé and I’ll climb down and pop the Michael Bublé.

Griffin: Alright. Um, I don’t think this would require a climbing che--Well, yeah, let’s go ahead and do that.

Travis: Is that athletics?

Justin: Yeah.

[Dice rolls in background]

Griffin: Take advantage on it though because you're rappelling so you're having an easier time and you have a rope so, like, you should be--

Travis: Okay, yeah, my second was 16+8, 24.

Griffin: Okay. Yeah, you make it down easily. Are you--is anyone else coming in after you or are they waiting to see if you pop the bubble and get down safely?

Justin: I’m waiting until the bubble is popped.



Griffin: Alright, yeah. Magnus, you make your way down and it’s a fairly dark trip down for the most part, but when you get close to the bottom of the well, sure enough you can see some faint light coming from that gigantic chamber below you, and in fact you actually see that light shining off of the purple worm--or the glistening teeth of the purple worm. You don’t share--that’s not the same bubble as the one that you're basically standing on at this point, but you can see into that large room that you were in before.

Travis: Okay, I pop the well bubble.

Griffin: Okay, you use the Chance Lance.

Travis: Yeah, I lanced it. [bubble pop effect] I lance the boil.

Griffin: Alright, you drive the point of the Chance Lance down into the bubble below you and it opens a hole in the bubble and then the bubble--the entire sphere of the barrier just pops and disappears [bubble pop effect] and sure enough, you now have access into Shaft A.

Travis: Okay.

Griffin: And the rope drops the rest of the way down once you pop that bubble.

Travis: Okay, I climb down, but is there any way to not land on top of Dr. Worm?

Griffin: I mean Dr. Worm is still covered by a bubble, so as long as you  don’t pop that, then you're good.

Travis: I don’t trust myself. Sure, I land on that and I move away from Dr. Worm as quick as I can.

Griffin: Okay, yeah, and now you're standing on the walkway that was going around that shaft.



Griffin: That echoes up the well and you hear it.

Justin: I go last, so--



Griffin: Roswell says "You got it!" and pretty much effortlessly rappels down the side of it. You hear actually the--hmm. Nope. That can’t be how this happens, gotta respect the fiction here a bit because Roswell weighs, like, a ton?

Travis: It’s quite heavy.

Griffin: They're a ton of clay, so as they grab the rope and sort of position themselves to start rappelling down the well, the fence at the edge of town that the rope is tied to, you hear it start to crack and groan.

Justin: I transform the fence into stone with transmutation.

Griffin: Okay, dig it. Yeah, you transform the thick fence post that this rope is suspended to. You go put your hand on it and it turns to stone and supports Roswell’s weight and Roswell manages to climb down the length of the rope and joins you, Magnus, in Shaft A.



[snickers]

Justin: I know there’s some other name for this thing I just did but I know I can do the thing so let’s all just try to have some fun here, okay?

Griffin: I mean it’s called Change Material?

Travis: Transmutation is such a better name.

Griffin: Next--who--Taako, Merle?

Justin: It’s probably something takes, like, three hours.

Clint: Okay, so what kind of check is it, athletics check?

Griffin: Depends on how you do it. If you just wanna climb down the rope then, yeah, it’s athletics.

Clint: I just wanna climb down the rope.

Griffin: Okay. Go ahead and roll it.

Clint: Okay, I already did that that, rolled a 14+2 for athletics, so, 16.

Griffin: Yeah, that is adequate and, Magnus, you see Merle descend from the hole in the ceiling and climb down onto the top of bubble and join you on the walkway.

Travis: As he--



Travis: As he climbs down in my head I’m going [reet deet deet DEEDEEDEE deet deet]

Griffin: Yeah, cause he’s doi--yeah, that’s the sound that would accompany this climbing effort. Taako?

Justin: Uh, yeah, I cast Featherfall on myself with the Umbra Staff--

Griffin: Okay.

Justin: I’m just kinda--lightly float down. Just chill.

Griffin: Yeah you just- the three of you, Merle and Magnus and Roswell just see Taako descend down. Are you using the umbrella, like, Mary Poppins style? You don’t need to, but-

Justin: Oh, oh, natch, and I don’t need to for sure, but I defo am.

Clint: [sings descending notes]

Griffin: Then all four of you have made your way down into the sort of top room of Shaft A and you see the worm below you. You have that door that  you had to, like, work so hard to get through, through your many attempts at solving the puzzles of the quarry and in front of you is another door with another bubble on it that you weren’t able to get through before. And it’s only about, um--it’s only about 11:07 right now. {49:07}

Travis: I pop that shit.

Griffin: Kay. You pop that other door and it’s [bubble pop] you see the sort of mechanism to open it, which you do, and you find yourselves in another airlock like the one that led into this room, only this one doesn’t have a puzzle bomb inside of it.

Travis: Is there a window or anything in this airlock, Ditto, that we can, like, check the next room before we go tromping through?

Griffin: No, but if this were a Final Fantasy game, there would be a save point in this place.

Travis: Okay, so, we use a tent and a couple of ethers.

Griffin: Okay, you use a cottage.

Griffin: And the other door of the airlock opens up and you see a fairly similar sight. It’s another huge room with a fenced off circular section in the middle hundreds of feet wide. There’s a sign hanging directly in front of you on a guard rail that has this marked as Shaft B. And the metal sliding hatch that you saw over the top of Shaft A that hadn’t been shut is actually shut over this hole so it’s covering the entirety of Shaft B.

And there’s the same sort of circular cart track going around this shaft but this room has a large wooden observation deck and it’s flush with the rest of the room built off just to the side of the track. And on that observation deck, you see two figures, and the first is the woman from the white space and she’s wearing that same yellow sundress and she’s floating in her own time-locked barrier and her withered hands are wrapped around the Temporal Chalice. And her eyes are closed and her face is looking down, almost in prayer.

The other figure on this deck is sitting on the floor of the deck and he’s got his back up against a few barrels and he’s wearing a big black stetson hat and he’s holding the handle of a mattock. Like, a pickaxe that he’s just twirling lazily on the ground at his side, and he’s smoking a long black cigarette, and as you enter the room he doesn’t move an inch. He just says,



Griffin: Isaak sees that Roswell--

Justin: I give Isaak an hour long lecture about the dangers of smoking.

[Griffin laughs]

Griffin: He sees--he actually sees that Roswell is in here, and that actually kind of gets his attention. He says,



Griffin: He takes a long drag of that cigarette and he says,



Griffin: He says,



Griffin: He says,



Griffin: He takes another long drag and he sort of eyes you over and he says,



Griffin: Why don’t you make a persuasion check? Actually, before I-

Travis: I’m not really good at that.

Griffin: Well, you're doing it.

Travis: [rolls dice] Well, it’s an 18+1 so 19.

Griffin: He’s intrigued by this line of logic and he takes a long drag of his cigarette and he says,



Griffin: And he is, you can actually see he’s wearing a big sheriff’s badge.



[Justin snorts]



Justin: And I pull out my, um, plastic sheriff’s badge and attempt to bluff him that we are also law enforcement which... I get a +3.

Griffin: Go ahead and make that roll. [dice roll, Clint gasps]

Justin: It’s a 17, 20 altogether.

Griffin: Alright. He stops twirling that mattock on the ground and just kind of holds it firm and he says-



[Griffin laughs]



Griffin: He hoists himself up using that mattock and--

Justin: Sorry, point of order, what? Mattock? Can you clarify--

Griffin: It’s like a pickaxe.

Clint: But it’s got a flat--

Griffin: Yeah.

Justin: Okay.

Griffin: And he loses his, this like eagle eyed concentration that he’s had on the four of you this whole time as he walks towards you and he says,



Griffin: And he starts to walk in your direction.



[Justin snorts]

Travis: I kind of side-eye Taako--



Travis: I side-eye Taako and silently tighten my grip on the Chance Lance.



[Justin laughs]

Justin: Um... um...

Clint: You just got it cleaned!



[laughter]



Clint: Call him buckaroo!



[strained laughter]

Travis: Sounds legit!



[Griffin laughs]



Griffin: He takes the badge and he looks at it.



[laughter]



Griffin: He hangs his head for a second and he’s just like,



Travis: I hurl the lance at the bubble.

Griffin: Okay, you and I are gonna make dexterity contests against each other.

[dice rolls]

Travis: Okay. Oh fuck… I have 10+2. 12.

Griffin: I’m trying to think of how I can make this the most interesting. You reach down and grab the lance and--

Travis: Point of order I did already have my hand on it.

Griffin: Okay, no, I mean you have the lance and, uh, you sort of arc it back to toss it at the bubble with June inside, and like as soon as you move too quickly, his hand is at his side and he pulls out the wand that he had in his holster--it looks badass, it looks kind of like Ren’s wand that Ren had up in the Davy Lamp--and pulls it and a bolt of lightning arcs out of it in your direction--Magnus, make a dex saving throw.

Travis: So I didn’t beat that contest then, is what you're saying.

Griffin: No.

Travis: [rolling dice] No, that’s not gonna do it, that’s a 3, see you called me out on those good rolls Griffin and they disappeared. So it’s 3+2, it’s a 5. Fuck.

Griffin: So, you are going to take just a great deal of damage, um--31.

Travis: Okay.

Griffin: 31 points of lightning damage.

Travis: I’m gonna use parry then.

Griffin: Well that’s a--It was a ranged [Travis: Oh magic.] magic attack, yea and you are sort of blasted backwards aways and--

Travis: 31 you say?

Griffin: Yeah. And you dropped the Chance Lance.

Travis: Whaaat?

Griffin: As you were knocked backwards.

Travis: Okay.

Griffin: Just because you were in the process of getting ready to throw it, I think it would disrupt your attack and make you drop it.

Justin: Okay so we're not in a fight, right?

Griffin: No, I would rather we didn’t get into a fight right now just because I think it would go on a bit… too… long and there’s more interesting ways of resolving this without resorting to initiative and stuff.

Justin: Okay as I go to cast, I shout at Merle--



Griffin: Alright, what are you doing?

Clint: Um, I’m gonna cast Banishment on him.

Griffin: Okay, you and I are gonna make a dexterity contest then, and that, I guess that will be the way that we distract him.

Clint: That’s what I’m thinking.

Griffin: Go ahead and roll a d20 and add your dexterity.

Clint: 15!

Griffin: That is a 22. A bolt of lightning emerges from his wand that he just kind of whips around in your direction and you are also struck by a bolt of lightning but you give Taako the opportunity that he needs. I’m gonna do more quick math real quick--Actually I’m gonna do this on my computer. You take 25 points of damage.

Justin: Ah, dunk.

Griffin: You are knocked backwards but you and Taako drew at the same time, that opens you up, Taako, to not having to duel him to do whatever it is you’re gonna do.

Justin: Alright I cast Bigby’s Hand, a large translucent hand of pure force emerges over the Chance Lance.

Griffin: Okay.

Justin: I grab it with Bigby’s Hand and send it flying at the bubble and I’m not talking about the thing--I just send Bigby’s Hand with the Chance Lance hurtling at the bubble.

Griffin: Okay, you do this and--how fast does the hand move?

Justin: Hmm. Good question.

Travis: Super fast. Like you wouldn’t even believe it, it’s really good.

Justin: The hand lasts for the spell’s duration, it moves at your command mimicking the movements of your own hand so I mean like I guess--it doesn’t ha- okay, range is 120 feet.

Griffin: Okay close enough, you reach out and your hand is now mimicking Bigby’s Hand and it takes Isaak a second to realise what it is you’re doing as you reach down to the ground and grasp nothing and jab your arm forward and as you do that, he kind of gets the picture and turns around and levies a bolt at the hand.



Griffin: Yeah, alright, sick. He draws on the hand as it flies towards the bubble--let’s paint this picture--

[“The Diary of Sheriff Isaak” begins playing in the background]

Griffin: Magnus, you’re lying kind of smoking on the ground, not cigarettes but from being electrocuted.

Travis: No, cigarettes are for losers!

Griffin: Yeah, you’ve made that point known. Merle, you’re kind of the same up next against him, and Taako, you just jabbed an invisible spear forward and a bolt of lightning is kind of coming out of the wand as Roswell runs and just like tackles Isaak.

Justin: As Roswell is running, do I have time to get in a great quip?

Griffin: Yeah sure.

Justin: Okay, as Roswell is running I say,



Justin: And then--

Griffin: And then Roswell tackles him.



[Laughter]

Griffin: And the spear pops into the bubble and it opens a hole, and as soon as it does, time starts to slow down, like, just sort of capturing this tableau as lightning is like halfway to its target, and Roswell and Isaak are kind of both sideways in the air, and Taako, you’ve got your arm jabbed forward, and the other two boys are lying smoking on the ground, and time slows, and slows, and slows, and then just stops.

And it’s quiet, and then a wave of white light--not like flashlight light but like physical light, almost like white milk or something, with these bright sort of rainbow streaks in it, comes pouring out of the cup in a wave, like a literal tall ocean wave, and it washes over everybody in this room and then suddenly the three of you--without Roswell, without Isaak--are in the white space. But it’s not like the white space that you stood in before, it’s not this undefined empty room; in fact it looks almost identical to the Davy Lamp.

[“The Davy Lamp” begins playing in the background]

Griffin: And there’s like shadows of patrons here going about their business in slow motion that you can’t really hear or interact with. The pianist is at the piano and they're playing a sort of soft sad jazz song, and you see June and she’s holding the chalice and she invites you to sit at a table that she’s sort of reserved for you.

Clint: Is this the Matrix?

Justin: I think this is the Matrix.

Clint: It’s the Matrix.

Justin: Finally in the Matrix.

Travis: Is it the red pill or the blue pill? I can’t remember which one do we do.

Griffin: Laurence Fishburne is there now. Uh, but Cowboy Curtis Fishburne, which is weird. No.

Travis: We sit at the table--or I do, I can’t speak for you guys.

Justin: Yes, we sit down.

Griffin: Okay and June, who looks not quite as withered up as she did before, she looks like she’s maybe 90 years old now, not 120.

Travis: She tells us about the Heart of the Ocean and the man she met on The Titanic.

Griffin: No, she says,



Griffin: And she taps her fingers on the table and she says,



Griffin: The cup in June’s form--It’s not June’s form. June is here, June is holding the cup, June is talking to you, but addressing you as the cup and she says,



Griffin: And when she says that June kind of gets lost in thought a bit.



[pause]



[Laughter]

Griffin: What I wanna set up here, I’ll tell you straight up– I don’t think it’s interesting to have you guys do a wisdom saving throw to decide whether or not you don’t use the grand relic. I don’t think that’s interesting. What I want to do is try to sell you on it. Just words, no rolls, no, you know, thrall, no nothing. Just wanna try and sell you on using this thing and see how you respond to that in the next episode. So, that in mind, how do you respond to this?



[End theme begins]



[laughter]

[End song continues]

[MaxFun card]