Ep. 29: The Crystal Kingdom - Chapter One/Transcript

Transcript by the lovely volunteers at TAZscripts.

Griffin: Previously on The Adventure Zone,



[Travis, Justin, and Clint gasp.]

Travis: It’s the boy detective! It’s Angus!



Taako and Merle: Lucas Humanman...



Griffin: You eye him over, he does not have a bracer.

Clint: Oh, I do not like this guy.



[INTRO MUSIC: "Déjà Vu" by Mort Garson]

Griffin: Let’s start producing content together, the four of us.

Clint: Content time!

Travis: [under his breath] Contented, contented.

Griffin: [laughs] Time to make the content. The- we’re about to start a new leg of our adventure, do you guys have any ideas as to where I’m about to whisk you away?

Justin: If I have learned one thing in the ensuing year since we began this podcast, it is don’t try to guess [starts laughing] where Griffin is taking this trip!

Griffin: Where do you want-

Travis: I will say, Griffin, I’m very worried that this is the episode where you add in, like, a lovable nephew character.

Griffin: Oh shit.

Travis: Oh wait, that’s Angus isn’t it! You son of a bitch, you already did that!

Griffin: Yeah, uh-

Travis: Angus is like our- who’s that kid from The Brady Bunch? Oliver.

Griffin: He’s like when Leo DiCaprio came on Growing Pains. Pretty soon the franchise isn’t gonna be about the three of you chuckle-fucks at all. It’s gonna be all Angus all the time. Dad, how are you feeling by the way? Let’s do a quick dad health check.

Clint: I- I feel much better, thank you to the outpouring of love and a little bit of hatred that came from all of our listeners-

Travis: Welcome to podcasting!

Griffin: You still–

Clint: Everybody was really nice and very kind, sent along healing words.

Griffin: Yeah, I’m glad you’re back in good health. You do still sound like two big piles of garbage rubbing up against each other.

Clint: Well I’m gonna- I guess I’ll be in character voice the whole time.

Travis: So you say that, Griffin, but I think he has an interesting jazz blues voice.

Griffin: That’s- that is fair.

Clint: Kind of like Bessie Smith.

Griffin: Uh, enough tiddly-shittin’ around.

Clint: Yeah!

Griffin: Time to get to the content. Um-

Clint: Content!

Travis: Content!

Griffin: Uh, before we start this- this leg of the adventure, um, I have an important question for all three of you and that is, what did you get each other?

Travis: What?

Justin: For...what do you mean?

Griffin: Because it’s Candlenights!

[BACKGROUND MUSIC: ”Fantasy Candlenights” by Griffin McElroy]

Griffin: It’s Candlenights!--

Travis: Oh!

Griffin: In the world of The Adventure Zone, it’s Candlenights all around-

Travis: What synergy!

Griffin: All around Faerun, it’s actually a different Candlenights, it’s not quite the same as the one that we celebrate here on Earth prime. Uh, but it is Candlenights, it’s a weeklong holiday celebration, you know the world of The Adventure Zone is about as panreligious as it gets, so everybody just kind of stopped doing their own, you know, ritual celebrations ‘cause it got sort of complicated, tracking who was partying down on what and everything just kind of organically congealed into one super-holiday.

Justin: I’m gonna catch dad up on Candlenights super quick. Dad, do you remember all the Christmases we spent together as a family, uh, gathered around the tree and singing songs of Yule and basking in each other’s love?

Clint: [deadpan] No.

Justin: Okay, let’s try that again and you say yes to my fucking bit-

[“Fantasy Candlenights” fades out]

Clint: Oh, right! Got it, okay, sorry.

Justin: -Okay, and learn to do a joke for fucking once.

Clint: Alright, sorry. Okay. [clears throat]

Justin: Dad, you remember all the times that we spent uh, gathered around the hearth, basking in the Christmastime Yule spirit of each other’s love?

Clint: Aw, Justin, those are memories I’ll never be able to forget.

Justin: Well turns out you're wasting our fucking time.

Clint: Oh.

Justin: Cause just around the corner was a new holiday called Candlenights that was not only better, [Clint sighs, faking disapointment] than Christmas, it has absorbed Christmas and Hanukkah and every holiday.

Travis: Like Katamari Damacy.

Clint: I wondered why I hadn’t seen any TV commercials at all, hardly, about Christmas.

Justin: Yeah, cause Candlenights ate ‘em all. Solstice too, we won the war on Christmas.

Griffin: It wasn’t much of a war though, was it, it was an invasion.

[Clint giggles]

Justin: They didn’t even realize, they looked behind them, “What’s that knife to your throat, Santa? It’s me, Candlenights Santa.”

Travis: [laughs] I’m kind of like you but better.

Justin: Kind of like you but better, but I don’t have all your memories.

Travis: I must consume you!

Justin: [frantic] Please don’t ask Candlenights Santa questions that only Santa would know!

[They laugh]

Justin: [still frantic] Please, do not test Candlenights Santa, he will panic if provoked! [snorts]

Griffin: The Talented Mr. Santa Claus was my favorite Matt Damon/Tim Allen movie. It was about time that the two of them got together to work on a project. [Tim Allen grunt] Anyway, fantasy Candlenights shares a lot of the same sort of aesthetic inspirations as Candlenights because of its countless multiple religious sources, people just kind of do their own thing and it’s-

Justin: Yeah.

Griffin: And they’re just cool with it. There’s usually a tree or bush involved, or any kind of like, lush plant. Um, but that’s about the only staple. Right now the three of you are gathered around your own Candlenights bush, um, and, uh, you’re havin’ a little Bureau of Balance holiday party.

Travis: Is it like a white elephant, or more of a secret Santa, or are we just doing a straight-up exchange-

Griffin: It’s more of just a straight-up exchange. The three of you are actually in your brand new dormitory suite that you got set up in after your pseudo-promotion in the last episode. Uh, it’s been about a month or two since your last adventure and yeah, it’s wintertime, it’s Candlenights you’re in your dope suite and it is dope, you’ve each got your own sort of private sleeping chambers that are attached-

Justin: Bed? Our own bed?

Clint: Our own rooms?

Griffin: Yeah, your own sleeping rooms and it attaches to a shared living room, it’s a big space, it is a big step up from basically the dorm room you were sharing with Robbie, uh, AKA Pringles, uh-

Travis: AKA Jailbird, I miss that dude.

Griffin: Well, he’s in prison now, um-

Travis: He’s in prison.

Justin: [muffled] Not for long.

Griffin: Uh, so yeah, you’re having this holiday party, and you've got a pretty big living space to host it in, the coolest thing about this living space and, uh, is why the Director was hyping it up so much, it’s actually on the bottom of the moon base. You’ve got like, your own private elevator leading down to your- to your private living suite and you’ve got like a big, dome glass window underneath you. Just sort of looking down into, uh, down towards the Earth that you are floating over.

Travis: I wanna say that I know that this is a fantasy world in which Griffin is painting a picture with words, I literally just had like a real-life reaction [Clint laughs] to the idea of having a hole in the middle of my room that looks down thousands and thousands of feet-

Griffin: Yeah.

Travis: -my stomach just dropped into my testicles a little bit.

Justin: Was it a good reaction or bad reaction?

Travis: Bad.

Clint: Sounds bad.

Travis: Bad reaction.

Justin: Yeah, I don’t think I could acclimate to that.

Clint: Fantasy vertigo.

Travis: It’s like being on top of Willis Tower and standing on like, the glass windows?

Griffin: Yeah, sure.

[Travis grunts with discontent]

Justin: Hey Griffin I bought- I bought, can you write down in your book that I bought a rug for my room and put it over the hole?

[Griffin and Travis laugh]

Griffin: Yeah, you can do that. You, uh, you roll a rug over your big beautiful glass window, which seems to disappoint everybody in the room, cause you’re currently floating over Neverwinter? Which is ironic cause this is definitely winter. Uh, [Justin laughs] and the city’s all lit up with Candlenights lights but sure, you roll the rug over the room keeping me from having to describe things down below you anymore.

Justin: You’re welcome. That’s my Candlenights gift to you!

Griffin: [holding back laughter] Thank you.

Travis: Laziness!

Griffin: So yeah, everybody’s-- you’ve invited a few guests over, a few like, we’ll call them essential personnel at the Bureau of Balance. The Director showed up, uh, Avi showed up, he’s a little tipsy, uh, Killian is in the mix - Angus is there. You didn’t invite Angus…

Justin and Travis: Ugh.

Griffin: But he’s- you know him, he’s a detect-

Travis: He’s a real Angus.

Griffin: He’s a sleuth, and he figured out that you’re having a party and he rolled up and Johann is there, he’s playing some festive music on a fiddle and you’re having a good old time and yeah, it comes to the part in the holiday party when everybody exchanges gifts. And Johann walks up to the three of you and hands you all three very small boxes and he goes



Travis: Well I got this for y- wait, sorry, let me do my voice it’s been a while. [clears throat]



[Clint cracks up]



Griffin: As you unwrap the uh, the gift that Johann got you it’s just a small, like, very small, like the size of a lemon. It’s a small, bronze box with a little crank on it and as you turn it-

[BACKGROUND MUSIC: “Voidfish Duet Music Box” by Griffin McElroy]

Griffin: -one of his compositions plays. And he’s like



[“Voidfish Duet Music Box” stops playing]

Travis: So Johann is doing the equivalent, like whatever the Faerun equivalent of handing out CDs in like, Time Square is?

Griffin: Yeah. Basically.

Justin: If we meet fantasy Rick Ross I promise [Clint laughs] I will get this tape in his hands.

Griffin: Killian gives you guys some gifts, too. Um, similarly pretty small packages. As you unwrap them, they are each handcarved personalized whetstones, which, Magnus, you’ll probably get some use out of, but the other two of you don’t really specialize in bladed weaponry but they’re nice. They’re carved in the shape of… ducks.

Travis/Clint: Aw!

Griffin: Yeah.

Clint: Aww!



Griffin: She says.



Travis: I hand her a carved wooden duck.



Griffin: No.

[Clint laughs evilly]

Griffin: Don’t. You can’t put that into the slashiverse.

Clint: It was there, it was right there in the diary!



Griffin: She’s blushing.

[Travis laughs]

Griffin: Uh, Avi gives you guys some gifts. And they’re wrapped up and they’re obviously small bottles of stuff. And as you unwrap them, yeah, they’re little, like, airplane sized bottles of uh, of brandywine. But he promises, uh


 * Taako and Merle: [in a sing-song voice] Macaroons!
 * Taako and Merle: [in a sing-song voice] Macaroons!
 * Taako and Merle: [in a sing-song voice] Macaroons!
 * Taako and Merle: [in a sing-song voice] Macaroons!
 * Taako and Merle: [in a sing-song voice] Macaroons!



[laughter]

Travis: Oh god that sounds good!



Justin: [laughing] They’re just sorta just bad books!

Travis: Enjoy these shitty comics!

Justin: [laughing] Enjoy these shitty, small books! [crosstalk] From me to you!



Griffin: [laughing] Uh, Angus walks up to you guys, and he hands you all three books, and they are each different-

Travis: Nerrrrd!



[Justin laughs]

Griffin: And as you unwrap them, they are different installments in a young adult mystery novel series, titled “Caleb Cleveland: Kid Cop”.

[laughter]

Travis: Griffin, you asshole.

Griffin: Which is a young adult series about a young detective, and Angus says,



Travis: When- I’m- I put my arm around Angus’s shoulder and I say,



Travis: And when I take my hand away, I’ve stuck a “Kick Me” sign on his back.



Clint: I kick him.



Justin: And I reach in my bag and I pull out three spoons.



Justin: And Griffin, that’ll get rid of the extra gold I had, after last week.

Griffin: Okay, that’s fair.

Justin: I bought these three spoons for Angus.



Travis: My hand starts to creep towards taking them away from him. I grab my wrist and pull it back. No!



[Travis laughs]



Griffin: There’s actually one more person that has a gift to give you, and it’s the Director! And she walks up to you and discreetly-

Clint: Bonus!

Griffin: Hands you three envelopes.

[Clint chuckles]

Justin: As Angus is walking away, I chuck a macaroon at his head.



[Griffin laughs]

Griffin: And inside the envelopes- I don’t know why I said envelopes because this isn’t going to make any sense but there is 200 gold pieces a piece in each envelope.

[Justin laughs]

Justin: Hey, thanks for these shitty jangly envelopes.



Travis: I hand her a coupon for one free backrub.



Griffin: She pulls out a-



Griffin: She pulls out a notebook and she’s like writing all this down. She tears a page off and stuffs it in her pocket.



Griffin: And she cranks it. She cranks it--

[“Voidfish Duet Music Box” plays]



Griffin: So yeah, you’ve exchanged presents with everybody, had a good ol’ time.

Travis: I have presents, hold on



[Griffin laughing]



Griffin: He just chopped- he just chopped the wood apart in the shape of toilet chairs. The Director is still standing nearby.



Travis: I eat the macaroon and I get a +2 AC!

Justin: And all your rolls get plus three!

Griffin: There is one-



Griffin: There is one present left underneath the Candlenight shrub and it has a tag on it and it says “For: Taako, Merle, and Magnus.” It’s wrapped up in a very ornate paper, very shiny, glossy, silver paper. And it doesn’t have a “from” name on it. Doesn’t say who it’s from, just says it’s to the three of you.

Clint: Hmm.

Travis: I open it!

Griffin: M’kay.

Justin: Of course.

Griffin: You run up, tear the box open and it explodes, you die. You tear the box open, it doesn’t explode, you don’t die.

Travis: I’m fine either way.

Griffin: Wow.

[Justin laughs]

Clint: So which is it?

Griffin: Uh no, it’s safe. It’s a safe box, you tear it open and inside is a small, sort of fine, velvet, almost like a jewelry gift box. And as you pop it open, and the three of you are sort of looking over into this uh, this package as you open it up, you see there are three iron-on badges inside of this box. They’re these dark blue circle like, iron-on emblems and inside of each of these blue fabric circles, there is, there are 12 more circles. All different colors sort of around the outside of each badge. And in the middle is a word that is written in a language that none of you recognize, you cannot read, you cannot make out what the word is, what these badges are for because you can’t seem to read this word in the middle. And tucked in between these three badges is a note that says "For your eyes only.”

Clint: Hmmmm.

Travis: Okay.

Griffin: And the Director looks at you as you open up the box and says



Travis: I cover ‘em up real quick and put it in my bag.



Griffin: She’s interrupted by a voice that is coming from a stone pendant that she’s wearing around her neck. This stone starts to glow and uh, you hear a very muffled, static-y distant voice come through her necklace that says, uh,



Travis: It’s me, your necklace!

Griffin: And she like-

Justin: You know that new sound you’ve been looking for?

[Travis laughs]

Travis: I got this music box! You gotta hear it.

Griffin: She looks mortified.

Clint: Because we know her name’s Lucretia?

Griffin: And she stands up and stops her line of questioning immediately and stands up and turns around and you hear her gruffly uh, whisper into the necklace,



Travis: What’s the Frequency, Kenneth?

Griffin: And then you hear the necklace say something but she sort of moved away from you so you can’t exactly make out what is going on but you do hear her say,



Travis: To WHO?

Griffin: And she walks even further from the crowd and seems to be having a very intense conversation.

Travis: With her necklace...

Griffin: With her necklace. Um, and she pulls out that small notebook and keeps writing stuff down and eventually- she is just-she is just like yelling. She does is having a very- She is very disappointed in whatever is on the other side of this necklace.

Travis: Griffin, is this the kind of thing where people have started shuffling out of the party awkwardly like “Euhhllh okay...”

Griffin: A pall has fallen over the crowd and nobody's like-

Travis: Somebody pick up Paul!

Griffin: Uh [Trying not to laugh] nobody's talking and drinking and having a good time so much anymore. Everybody's just kinda like- Everybody looks pretty worried because if the Director is this upset about something, some shit is going down.



Travis: I make eye contact with Johann and kinda like spin my finger in a “play some music” kind of gesture.

Griffin: Uh, okay. He starts playing the- that part of that one song, "Play some funky dixieland." No he's just-

Travis: That everyone loves.

Griffin: Yeah.

Justin: Nobody knows what it is though.

Griffin: Yeah, he doesn't know what it is either, that was a joke. Um yeah-

Clint: It’s Black Water by the Doobie Brothers.

Griffin: Thank you. Yeah, uh. He plays some music but it's slow, and very- it is of a concerned tone.

Justin: [very slowly] Play some funky dixieland.

[laughter]

Griffin: It's in a minor key.

Justin and Clint: [slower and pitched lower] Play some funky dixieland.

[Travis laughs]

Travis: You guys sound like Tuvian throat singers.

Clint: Oh black water.

Justin and Clint exchanging lines: Keep on rolling. Just keeps rolling along. Old black water. [together] He don't do nothing.

[They all laugh]

Justin: Stupid, stupid show.

Griffin: After a, uh, after a couple minutes of muffled argument with this pendant. She writes down something else in her notebook, tears out the page and walks over to Avi and hands it to him. And she says,



Travis: I walk over to her,



Griffin: Uh, Avi looks at this piece of paper and says,



[Travis and Justin laugh]

Travis: Okay?

Griffin: And The Director's like,



Griffin: and he says,



Griffin:And she says,



Griffin:And Avi scurries-

Travis: You got to pick my brother up at the airport!

Justin: What would cardinal directions be in relation to? In a moonbase.

Griffin: Uhh, probably as you were viewing the sky from the ground.

Justin: Okay.

Griffin: If… yeah.

Travis: She just had a conversation with her necklace, don't worry about compass rose.

Justin: I- yeah okay that's fine.

Griffin: Yeah, she says,



Travis: [crosstalk while laughing] Was having a conversation with me.



[Travis laughs harder]



Clint: Good try.



[Clint laughs]



Clint: [in a rough voice] Git ‘er done.



Griffin: You hear Lucas chime in through the pendant, and he says:



Travis: I look at Angus.



Griffin: He’s been writing all of this down.

Travis: Okay, great. I’m glad we got this girl Friday.

Griffin: [laughing] H-He says



Travis: Okay so Ditto, quick run down, basically the deal is anything that this touches will turn to crystal, right?

Griffin: Pink tourmaline.

Travis: Right. I’m not going to say that because I’m an adult.

Griffin: Okay. [Clint wheezes]

Travis: And so, if the, if his lab touches the ground, whole planet: crystal.

Griffin: Um, yeah. His lab is floating over the Still-water Sea which is a sort of unique body of water that doesn’t have any sort of waves or any sort of tidal motion at all, and his lab is floating over it and if it touches that, it’s just going to spread and, like Justin suggested, it’s going to Ice-nine the whole planet.



Griffin: She says,



Griffin: And she writes down another note in her notebook and tears it out and hands it to Johann, and she’s running low on notebook paper, she’s like:



Travis: I hand her a coupon for one free notebook.

Griffin: That doesn’t make any sense but she hands it to Johann and sends him off. She tells him to go to Leon to prepare the null suits. And she says into her pendant:



Griffin: The pendant has stopped glowing.



Griffin: She points a wand at her stone pendant and it clicks off, and then she says to the three of you:



Griffin: And then she turns to Killian and says:



Griffin: And Killian just says:



Griffin: And walks out of the room.



Griffin: Killian turns around and says over her shoulder as she walks out of the room:



Clint: Wow.

Travis: Guitar sting!

Griffin: And a dove flies out of the door she just walked through and all of a sudden the people in the room are just like “Oh shit, oh god! There’s a dove in here.” And you spend like, 20 minutes trying to get rid of the dove. You’re wasting a lot of time.



[everyone laughing]



Justin: I don’t buy- I don’t buy that the administrator would let Magnus continue to call her Lucretia.



Griffin: She looks really worried, and kind of tired.



[“Fantasy Candlenights” music starts playing]

Griffin: She is seething now kind of, with anger. She says

[“Fantasy Candlenights” music stops]



Griffin: Davenport stumbles into the room and he’s wearing some goofy looking armor, he’s carrying a big light-up toy candle. He’s just doing a little dance. He’s like,



Griffin: He’s doing like a little holiday song and dance. [laughter] And the Director says:



Travis: Davenport.



Griffin: He cracks open the visor of his knight armor and goes,



Justin: [makes a popping noise followed by chewing sounds]

Griffin: Do you just drop it into his mouth? Like he’s a--

[Fantasy Candlenights plays]

Justin: I drop it into the visor.



[eating noises]

Travis: You're a cannibal!



Justin: All right...

{40:21-46:14 commercial break}

Griffin: So you are uh,

Justin: It's snowing here.

Griffin: What?

Justin: I just wanna let you guys know it's snowing here. It's beautiful.

Griffin: Ohh, that sounds really nice!

Justin: It’s picturesque.

Griffin: It's snowing in our fantasy world, too. The three of you have gone to Leon the Artificer's chambers under the direction of the Director. That was a weird sentence. And it's in, you know-

Justin: A lotta horseshit in there, huh? Just a lotta horseshit words that don't mean anything.

Griffin: Yeah, kind of. I thought you were talking about Leon the Artificer's chamber. Which is also full of a lot of magical horseshit.

Clint: Horseshit! [laughs]

Griffin: He actually walks over to a large object in the corner of his room. And he pulls a big tarp off of it and reveals sort of a big cylindrical tank. It almost looks like those new security scanners that they have in airports. And by new I mean that they've had for like a decade now. Only it's a fully closed-in tank, and it's pretty big. And it has like a pedestal in the middle of it. And he says



Griffin: And he looks at the note that the director gave him and says



Griffin: He hands you an orange suit.



Justin: It really drives me crazy when DM’s don't fuckin just let people be creative.



[laughing and a snort]

Griffin: So the three of you. I can't believe you all went with the red shirts but fine. You're all wearing different shades of red.



[laughing]

Griffin: He hands each of you suits that are tailored to fit. Not exactly tailored to fit, but they do fit.

Travis: Is there room in the crotch?

Griffin: There is ample space in the crotch.

Clint: Not for me.

Griffin: These suits sort of, they wrap around your whole body. And each of them comes with a glass — almost fish-bowl style helmet with a retractable visor on it.

Travis: Sweet!

Griffin: And each one has like a little panel in the wrist. Leon tells you to get inside the chamber and take all the weapons and items that you're gonna bring with you and set them down. He takes some of these hoses from the pedestal in the middle and then connects them to those panels in your wrists. And steps out and shuts the chamber. You see him turn a dial, and then all of a sudden this chamber is like sprayed by all of these different nozzles all around the chamber. You guys are secretly just getting a spray tan. Joke's on you.

Travis: Oh, that's nice!

Griffin: Your suits actually are filled with sort of a sharp, chemical smell--

Travis: I farted.

Griffin: Oh boy. That's gonna be the first of many jokes like that, I bet, in this campaign arc.

Travis: Yep.

Griffin: And when the process is ended, all of your belongings have been sprayed down with this material and your suit — the panel on your suit has a meter on it that was in the red before you sorta connected and got all filled up and is now filled all the way to green. And Leon says,



Griffin: So yeah after equipping these null suits. Which don't bestow any armor benefits, they sorta go on over your armor. Sorry Magnus.

Travis: Nah, it's cool.

Griffin: You make your way up to the hangar. This whole time the headquarters has been moving. Which has been sort of a nauseating effect. It typically moves a little bit in the night sky.

Travis: Is it like a cruise ship thing? Where you don't notice it until you think about it and then you wanna puke?

Griffin: Yes, exactly like, yeah. And it's also like when you're just sorta normally moving the normal route that your moonbase moves, it's very slow, but it has to move to sort of give the appearance to people on the ground that it's an actual moon. But imagine people on the ground just saw the moon at like, 90 miles an hour. Just turn-

Travis: Just really hoofing it.

Griffin: Just turn 90 degrees in the night sky and start zippin. So yeah, there might be some ‘splaining to do later. But you've made your way to the hangar. And the back of the hangar's been sort of opened up and you-you see the night sky in front of you, it's snowing actually pretty hard. It's actually a pretty bad winter storm going on.

And on the edge of this sort of dock are these two gondolas. Standing next to one of the gondolas you see Killian, who's also wearing a null suit. And she has two accomplices with her, one of which is a dragonborn woman. A fairly slight dragonborn as far as dragonborns go, they're usually pretty big dragon-lookin people. This is more of a lizard-born. And a dwarf, who, you're assuming it's a dwarf because it's a short, stout figure, but their glass helmet, like, is completely opaque. You can't see through it at all.

Travis: All sounds great.

Griffin: Killian motions to you over to the gondolas and she says,



Griffin: Hold on I need a voice for her--



Justin: I bet that is kind of a bummer as a parent when your kid steals something and they're like, "Hey Deborah?" "Uh, yes Carl?" "She seemed...very proficient at that didn't she?" "Yeah she did seem very proficient at theft." "Ah, son of a bitch, she's a rogue." "Aw, man."

Griffin: The dwarf opens up his helmet and a thick cloud of smoke comes out. And you see inside--

Clint: Cheech and Chong!

Griffin: No it's actually the gruffest looking dwarf you've ever seen. It's like if somebody put Merle through a meat grinder and just sorta schluffed him back together again and then like glued some hair onto him.

[Justin laughing]

Clint: Is it a female?

Griffin: No, it's a man and he's smoking a big cigar. And he says uh,

[deep, gruff, breathy with pauses]



[snickers, laughs]



Griffin: Keep in mind this is the name of a real person that we borrowed for the show.



[muffled giggles from Taako/Justin]



[background laughter]



Griffin: The Director is there too. And she walks over and holds out her pendant and Lucas addresses the assembly. And he says:



Travis: Griffin, when eventually we make a movie out of the Adventure Zone, will this be more of like an Ocean's Eleven style like? Like we'll see the corridors and lasers and stuff.

Griffin: This is all completely original from my head. I didn't make any of it up based on stealing theft.

[Clint laughs]

Griffin: Angus chimes in through your Stones of Farspeech which you have tucked away inside your suits so you can sort of communicate. And you hear him say:


 * Merle and Taako: Nooo, no--
 * Merle and Taako: Nooo, no--
 * Merle and Taako: Nooo, no--
 * Merle and Taako: Nooo, no--
 * Merle and Taako: Nooo, no--
 * Merle and Taako: Nooo, no--
 * Merle and Taako: Nooo, no--
 * Merle and Taako: Nooo, no--
 * Merle and Taako: Nooo, no--
 * Merle and Taako: Nooo, no--
 * Merle and Taako: Nooo, no--
 * Merle and Taako: Nooo, no--



[snickers]



Griffin: Ah, you-



Travis: I take a minute and I tell my shield of the story of the time I ripped a robit's arms off.

Griffin: Ok, yeah! It etches that into the face of it. The Director says



Griffin: She takes off her necklace and hands it to- well she just hands it out into the three of your direction.

Travis: I take it.

Griffin: Mmkay. And she says:



Travis: Now, Ditto, to be fair, we didn't have this when we did the null suit coating.

Griffin: You can put it on underneath your suit.

Travis: I put it on underneath my suit.



Griffin: No, you've got a visor that sort of slides upward and retracts pretty easily. So yeah, you are now able to stay in touch with Lucas, and Carey Fangbattle says:

[“Déjà Vu” fades in]



[OUTRO MUSIC: "Déjà Vu" by Mort Garson]